Megan starts her Junior Year on Wegovy!

Megan starts her Junior Year on Wegovy!

by | Sep 21, 2023 | Parenting and Teens

Every parent, especially Moms worry about being an Almond Mom stuck in diet culture, potentially causing an eating disorder or doing absolutely nothing to help their teen who has health issues like insulin resistance and mental health issues associated with internalized weight bias. 

 

The healthier the relationship between parent and teen, the healthier the teen. When I say healthier I don’t mean weight. Health is not a number on a scale. I’m talking about relational health. 

 

Megan and her Mom are the best example of a parent and teen relationship being the foundation for reaching health goals.

 

I’ve been coaching Megan, who just started her Junior year. We’ve been working together over the summer. She’s doing great with her health goals she set for herself. Her Mom reached out to me several months ago about her amazing daughter who has struggled with her weight since she was little. Megan is a leader in her school, has great friends, makes all A’s, has been active in sports, and has an amazing supportive family. Megan’s full of dreams for her life. 

 

Megan feels like her life is 90% great, but the 10% is holding her back. It’s like the 10% is taking over the 90%. Megan has almost a freeze response when she’s bullied. Even though she’s a leader Megan isn’t able to stick up for herself when she’s weight bullied. 

 

My first step was a 30 minute coaching consultation with Mom to go over what’s going on. Mom was on board with my four pillars and my Let’s meet in the middle philosophy. See my viral TikTok video. Read the comments on my post to see how important it is to take a compassionate and not a compliance-based approach. 

 

Mom felt like Megan would be a good candidate for the newly FDA approved GLP-1 medications, but her pediatrician wasn’t comfortable writing a prescription. This is a common scenario. Mom didn’t know where to start. I did. It’s like a flow diagram. We do this in medicine for patient care. 

 

My telehealth practice isn’t licensed in her state, but that didn’t stop me from helping to navigate the process of getting a prescription and supporting Megan’s health goals. 

 

Speaking of flow diagrams, stop here to see if you live in one of the ten states I’m licensed in and go to drkarlamd.com to schedule a specialty consultation. No referrals needed!

 

Define the problem. Diagnose the issue. 

 

Back to Megan. It’s not the weight. The problem is not having answers, not knowing what’s going on, feeling stuck in self-judging, thinking if it was different then everything would be good, staying stuck in overdesire food cravings and binging. 

 

Don’t push your solution. If you make it all about the “how”, then that’s diet culture and you will get ghosted. It’s like being a transactional parent compared to a transformational parent. I’m writing more on this in my book………..

 

Spoiler alert: Megan is slaying her health and life goals! 

 

Stay tuned for the next IME-mail where I’ll share how I coached Megan and her Mom to slay her health goals! 

 

Here to help with compassion,

Dr. Karla



Stuck in Stretch Mark Drama?

Stuck in Stretch Mark Drama?

by | Oct 1, 2022 | Body Positivity, General, Parenting and Teens, Self Acceptance

PERFECT doesn’t exist. 

Perfect DOESN’T exist.

Perfect doesn’t EXIST.

Ginny is 15 and hates her stretch marks.  Every time she glances in the mirror, she notices them on her thighs and stomach.  They just seemed to pop up overnight. 

Even if she’s having a great day, seeing her stretch marks ruins everything.  It doesn’t help that her doctor just diagnosed her with PCOS, and she’s scared about it.  Also, Ginny’s Mom says, “You’re beautiful.  You’re growing. We all have stretch marks in our family.” 

Sometimes Ginny can’t get her mind off her stretch marks, and she thinks about them for the rest of the day. Sometimes Ginny asks her mom if she can have surgery or laser treatment or if she needs to go on a diet to get rid of her stretch marks.  Sometimes Ginny gets mad at her mom for giving her the stretch marks since they run in her mom’s family. 

Thoughts Are the Cause of Stretch Mark Drama – Stretch Marks Are Just Skin

Are you like Ginny? Stuck in stretch mark drama? 

Thoughts are the cause.

Maybe, you’re like, “No way, I couldn’t care less about stretch marks.”  

Same thing. 

Thoughts are the cause.

Not your stretch marks, which are just skin.

I never thought I would be coaching on stretch marks, especially when I haven’t thought about mine in forever, like decades, but stretch marks come up all the time.  Especially with pandemic weight gain. I remember thinking about mine when I first noticed them. 

Stretch marks usually aren’t painful, but they definitely seem to cause a lot of mind pain and drama.

Powerful Coaching Spoiler alert: It’s not the stretch marks.  It’s your thoughts about stretch marks that are keeping you stuck in your mind pain and drama.

What Do You Think Stretch Marks Mean?

  • Do stretch marks mean you’re old before your time?
  • Do stretch marks mean you’re out of shape?
  • Do stretch marks mean youre ugly?
  • Do stretch marks mean you’re scarred?
  • Are stretch marks permanent?
  • Are stretch markes evidence of something?
  • Are stretch marks something to be ashamed of?
  • Do stretch marks mean you’re broken?
  • Do stretch marks mean something’s wrong with your body?

Do you believe me when I tell you that your stuckness in stretch mark negativity has nothing to do with stretch marks?  

Getting Rid of Stretch Marks at All Costs Won’t Change How You Feel

If you change and get rid of stretch marks by whatever means possible, then I guarantee you will still feel the same.  It’s because of how your brain works.  

There are circumstances in the world like facts, other people, all the things you don’t cause, and you don’t control.  Yes, stretch marks fit into a definition of circumstance.  Your brain is triggered with a thought or many thoughts about circumstances in your life.  Thoughts create feelings and feelings drive actions and actions create your results.  Your current thinking creates your current reality.  I’m not making this stuff up.  I promise.  

See the IME Think—>Feel—->Do Circuit:

IME Community Circuit - Think Feel Do

Even Celebrities Have Stretch Marks – And It’s Also Okay Not to Love Them

When you attach to society’s external and unattainable beauty standard, you are attaching to a false belief about your body.  Think Kardashians and IG pics.  

I promise all the Kardashians have stretch marks. In other words, stop comparing your body to what doesn’t exist. 

It’s also okay to not love stretch marks.  

Create Awareness of the Thoughts to Change Your Thinking

It’s also okay to create awareness of the thought that you are attached to that takes you down the rabbit hole of negative self-talk and hating on your body.  

Check out my June Body Image Thoughts to Think where I coach you to get out of your negative body talk.  

It’s also okay to create self-awareness of how easily your brain hops on and rides around on the body judging thought train. 

When you become aware of your thoughts that are creating your feelings and actions and your current almost addiction to negativity, then you are free.

It’s your thoughts that are the cause.  You are not your thoughts.  Thoughts are optional. Guess what? How do I know this? Because I’m on TikTok a lot, I can assure you there are people out there who have zero thoughts or negativity about stretch marks. 

They may think, “Everyone’s got them.”

Let’s plug it into the IME Think—>Feel—–>Do Thought Circuit to see how your current thinking creates your current reality.  

You may be thinking Now Thought Circuits:

Think:
“I shouldn’t have stretch marks.”

Feel:
“Disappointed”

Do:
“Get on my phone/Get on IG/Google how to get rid of stretch marks”

Reality:
“I am arguing with facts.”

Or

Think:
“I can’t accept myself if I have stretch marks.”

Feel:
“Shame”

Do:
“Look for all the things that are wrong with me/Judge my body/Scroll on TikTok for hours”

Reality:
“I don’t accept my true self no matter what.”

Or

Think:
“My stretch marks are more evidence I am broken.”

Feel:
“Failure”

Do:
“Judge myself/Restrict my eating/Binge”

Reality:
“I believe my body is a failure.”

Or

Think:
“Only gross people have stretch marks.”

Feel:
“Disgusted”

Do:
“Isolate in my room/Don’t talk to friends/Stay home”

Reality:
“I am choosing to judge myself and others based on society’s unattainable false perfectionistic beauty standards.” 

If none of these You may be thinking Now Thought Circuits flip your switch, then try writing your own.

See how the Thought Circuit works? Your action or the Do line comes from your Feel or feeling line which starts from your Think or thought line. 

What you Do creates your Reality or results. If you’re taking Algebra (don’t remind me of story problems), it’s kind of like a formula and Think, Feel, Do are the variables and Reality is your result (funny word to say out loud a bunch of times) on the other side of the equal sign.  If you are actually taking Algebra, can you toss me a variable and help me out? 

Stretch marks or skin are the circumstance.  A mere fact if you will.  

If you’re staying stuck without awareness of the thoughts that you’re attached to that create your reality, you will keep giving more and more power to the body-judging negativity circuit in your brain.  Body judging circuits will get more and more power surges.  

You can unplug and the power will go out by creating thought awareness.  

So, maybe someday you decide you want to change something about your body?  

Great. 

Future You Can Decide to Change Something About Your Body – Or Not!

You can always change.  Keep in mind changing is different from fixing.  If you believe you can change up the circumstance line and your feelings will be different, or if you act from a feeling of fear or shame about yourself, you will have the same reality and result of body judging negativity.  

You may decide not to decide to change something about your body.  You may decide, “Wait, that doesn’t align with me and who I truly am.”

Here’s Future You talk: “Sure, I don’t want my stretch marks, but after thinking about it, I’d rather save up my money to go on a fun trip to Europe with my future college friends than spend $$$$ on laser treatment that most likely won’t work for stretch marks.” 

You may decide you value life experiences over chasing validation from society’s made-up external beauty standard. 

Doesn’t mean you want to automatically own your stretch marks and go flaunt them.  

Maybe, you do. That’s your decision.

Sometimes knowing this fact is super powerful: 

You can always change something about yourself. 

Of course.

No problem.

The problem is acting from a place of self-loathing and negative self-talk usually only brings short lived relief.  Thoughts are the cause of your pain.  Your attachment to your thoughts without awareness or questioning them is what’s causing harm.  You need to like your reasons for changing something about yourself.  

Hating On Your Body Is a Choice That You Can Shift

The more you stay stuck on your current thought, the more powerful it becomes.

It’s a choice.  

You can shift. 

Sometimes knowing this fact is super powerful: 

Hating on your body is a choice.  

Here’s what to choose instead when a negative body thought comes up:

  1. Recognize you’re activated
  2. Allow your feeling 
  3. Create a pause 
  4. Self-love superpower
  5. Notice “I’m being hard on myself.”
  6. Allow “I feel pressure and sick to my stomach right now.”
  7. Pause “I’m taking a deep breath in through my nose.”
  8. Self-kindness “This is hard.” “I’m not stuck.” “I love and accept myself now.”

You are now rewiring your thought circuit to one that serves you. 

Not a fake cheesy one, but a thought circuit that creates a reality more aligned with your true self and is more fun, you have your back, is based on self-acceptance and you can start making decisions from a place of calm and not self-hate and fear of not fitting in.  

Stretch marks are a circumstance that may trigger your body-judging thought train.  Body judging thoughts will keep coming up in your brain and that’s okay.  There’s nothing going wrong when that happens.  Awareness cuts off the power source. 

Notes for Parents

  • Don’t convince your teen to love all their body.  It may be too much of a thought leap and if it’s not believable, will not resonate with your teen and you and your advice will not resonate with your teen.

  • Don’t invalidate your teen’s feelings.

  • Get your teen to share their thoughts and feelings.
    • “It sounds like you’re upset.”
    • “What are you feeling?”
    • “That sounds tough.”
  • Recognize when you’re activated with fear because of your own body-judging thought circuits.

  • Don’t say anything about your own stretch marks.

  • Do the thought circuit work for yourself.

Reminder for Parents based on my personal experience and epic failures: Your teen may get into resistance mode and defend their thought or belief and get more stuck in body judging thoughts if you get into fix and solve mode. 

Ready to rewire your Think Feel Do circuits to get unstuck from body negativity and get what you want? Oh, and have fun doing it? Let’s go! 

Check out all the ways you can Work with Dr. Karla (https://www.drkarlamd.com) and make sure you follow me, Dr. Karla and IME Community on social. Share the goodness with everyone!

Self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla

Megan starts her Junior Year on Wegovy!

Stop Body Shaming – Write Your Own Body Positive Anthem and Cancel Diet Culture

by | Sep 23, 2022 | Anti Bullying, Body Positivity, General, Parenting and Teens, Self Acceptance

Parents, have you heard of @Jax?

If not, you better get with it!

Have you heard @Jax’s viral hit “Victoria’s Secret?”

If not, listen to it on YouTube using the link above and share with every friend and every teen you know.

Never mind on the teen part.  They’ve already heard it. Her song is not a secret and it’s maybe, just maybe, unintentionally taking down a decades old, body-negative, body shaming, disordered eating promoting brand.

Who Is @Jax?

I’ve been following @Jax, a 20 something songwriter on TikTok for quite a while now.  Jax is a fun singer/songwriter and American Idol alum who nails situations like a rock-band poster to the wall with her catchy melodies.

Along with songwriting, @Jax is a nanny or babysitter for a pre-teen girl, Chelsea, who was recently body-bullied by a “friend” when trying on bikinis.

A few girls went shopping at Victoria’s Secret before their first boy-girl pool party. Mean girl told Chelsea that she looked “fat and flat” in a bikini she was trying on.

Chelsea told @Jax about it when she picked her up. @Jax was “cringing” thinking about her own body insecurities growing up watching VS models on the runway, so @Jax took it to her keyboard and her body-positive anthem was born. Her song went viral from launching as a flash mob outside of VS headquarters, choreographing the lyrics:

Victoria’s Secret Song Lyrics (by @Jax)

God I wish somebody
would have told me
when I was younger
That all bodies
aren’t the same

Photoshop,
itty bitty models
on magazine covers
Told me I was overweight

I stopped eating.
What a bummer.
Can’t have carbs and a
Hot girl summer

If I could go back
And tell myself
When I was younger….

I’d say…

Psst….

I know Victoria’s Secret
And girl, you
wouldn’t believe
She’s an old man
who lives in Ohio
Makin money off
Of girls like me
Cashing in on
Body issues
Selling skin and bones
with big boobs

I know
Victoria’s Secret
She was MADE UP
by a dude

DUDE!
Victoria was MADE UP
by a dude
DUDE!

Itty Bitty Models, Dudes in Ohio, and Unhealthy Body Image Standards

Victoria’s Secret has created this situation for themselves by promoting and profiting off an unattainable and unhealthy body standard for decades now.

The power of social media to take down a brand makes me feel hopeful.

Calling out VS and its creepy founder DUDE is a strategic by product of her viral song.  It’s like a bonus.  It wasn’t her intention. @Jax only intention was to help Chelsea whom she adores so that Chelsea won’t suffer from the same society-induced body image issues and disordered eating @Jax endured. She can’t protect Chelsea from our society that’s obsessed with the pursuit of thin privilege, but to stop the internalization of fatphobic aggressions will likely change the trajectory of Chelsea’s life.

Most Teens Experience Body Shaming and Body Judging By Peers

Let’s focus on what’s going on with your teen because most teens (lots of studies show) experience body-judging and body-shaming by peers, doctors, teachers, parents, and themselves. Check out my anti-bullying blogs starting with, “Stop bullying your selfie.”

Unfortunately, us parents all too often get stuck in diet culture thinking and get triggered or activated and fight, flight or freeze up when our teen is experiencing a situation like this.

How to Get Unstuck from Diet Culture and Help Your Teen

How would you show up in this situation as a parent?

Do a pre-visualization (mental rehearsal in coach talk) right now and imagine your teen getting in the car after being at the mall with friends and they told you a “friend” body-bullied and shamed them.  Their “friend” called them “fat and flat”.

Would you be like my mom, Barb, and say, “Oh, don’t listen to her.  She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

Barb would also add in a dig, “She’s homely.”

Would you get into fix and solve mode and call out the bully?

“I’m going to call her mom when we get home. I’m not surprised.  Her Mom’s superficial and weight obsessed.” This is exactly what I would do 100% as my past-parenting self. I do believe there’s a time for this approach. It feels so good to get that bully’s mom on the phone right away, but it’s okay to pause and respond rather than react.

How would you talk about it?

Would you say, “I can’t believe she said that. You’re not fat or flat.”

Or would you get triggered or activated like some parents by your diet thinking self, get into body-judging and say, “She’s bigger and less curvy than you.”

Do you have the words to help your teen, so she/he/they depersonalize and don’t internalize fatphobia and dehumanize themselves which often leads to restricting food?

Restricting food leads to overeating and binging.  Restricting food is harmful 100% of the time.

You want your teen to create healthy habits and have self-confidence, which is what parents tell me they want and what I also want for my kids.  That’s a given.

I just want my kids to lead their magical lives. Also, I have funny kids and, selfishly, I like to hang around them because all three of them make me laugh. So, more magic and more laughs. More hilarious quotes from “The Office” from my daughter, Audrey, who knows every line from every season, please.

What do you want for your teen?

Have you seen the September 2022 mantras about debunking diet culture? These mantras may also be helpful for your teen if you would like to share them.

Teen woman holding sign that says BEAUTIFUL

Show Up for Your Teen Like @Jax: Be a Parent Who Calls Out Diet Culture Harm

What I want for you and your teen is for you to show up like @Jax.

Be the kind of parent who would write a body positive anthem and call out the harms of diet culture.

Write Your Own Body Positive Anthem for Your Teen

Ready to write your own body positive anthem for your teen?

Start with my 5 ways for Parents to be an Upstander when their child or teen is bullied:

  1. Acknowledge and accept feelings with a word or sound…. “Oh, mmmm (like Marge Simpson)”or a simple statement:
  • “That sounds so tough.”
  • “I understand why you’re upset.”
  • “I’m sorry that happened.”
  • “It’s not okay that she/he/they said that.”
  • “How are you feeling about it?”
  1. Instead of logic and explanations, validate and allow your teen’s feelings:
  • Sit and listen and allow your teen to express anger, sadness, defensiveness, or whatever emotion is coming up.
  • Don’t make it about you. Your experience is your experience.
  1. Let your teen know:
  • It’s bullying and it’s unacceptable.
  • Body judging and shaming isn’t okay.
  1. Stay out of “should”, “shouldn’t” and “I wish” statements:
  • The aggression happened. That’s reality. “She should not have said that.”  “I wish they wouldn’t have said that.” “I wish our society wasn’t so messed up.” These things are out of your teen’s control and put your teen in a powerless place or a place of fixing and controlling what they don’t cause or control.Guru time: Byron Katie says all our suffering comes from attachment to beliefs that things should be different. From not accepting reality. My business, your business, and the Universe’s business. As a parent, with good intention, you want to fix and solve and make it go away.What do we control as parents? How we show up and where we put our attentional focus.That’s kind of it.Oh, and don’t forget the unconditional love part. There’s that too.You are there to support he/she/them.They aren’t powerless.

    They get to decide their next best step.

    This is not the time to lecture about bullying or try to make your teen be objective about a situation that is so emotionally loaded.

    Has nothing to do with them. Let your teen know how to depersonalize it. They are not powerless. Create a bully ban. Be an upstander in a situation like that in the future. Start by being an upstander for themselves.

  1. Create bully bans to help your teen create healthy boundaries:
  • Try one I learned from a mom who follows me on TikTok: She coached her daughter to say, even at family gatherings when family members comment on her body:
  • “MY body is none of YOUR business.”

Self Trust Improves When a Teen’s Parent Has Her Back

Your teen will know you are there for them.

Trusting you is their first step to creating self-trust they will have their own back in the future.

Keep the door open for ongoing conversations.

Coach yourself to decide your next step.

You may want to address weight bullying that’s happening at school with the counselor or even the other teen’s parent.  Making the decision for your next best step coming from a place of showing up loving and supportive for your teen is more powerful and productive than coming from fix and solve over function mode.

Don’t pressure yourself to get it right in the moment.

Sometimes Listening to Your Teen Is Better Than Talking

It’s okay to listen.  You always get it right when you listen.

Keeping my mouth shut is what my own teens prefer.

As a parent, you know your teen best and what will work for them.

Join the Anti-Diet-Culture Community and Work with Dr. Karla

Stay tuned for more ways to work with me.  I will coach you to talk about difficult topics like Victoria’s Secret induced body shaming and judging.

I’ll coach you to show up like @Jax and write your own body positive anthem for your teen.

I’ve always got your back,

Dr. Karla

Notes for Teens:

If you feel stuck in a body bullying  or body shaming situation:

  • Realize that friends don’t judge and shame other people’s bodies. It’s bullying and bullying is always unacceptable.
  • Talk to someone you trust who will listen and not just tell you what to do.
  • Allow your feelings and emotions.
  • Realize bullying is about the person and not you. When someone is judging someone else, they are judging themselves. It’s coming from a place of weakness and insecurity always.
  • Don’t get in their head. Don’t try to spend time figuring out the bully’s motivation for bullying.
  • Keep talking about it if you need to or want to.
  • Think before sharing on social media or with other friends. Maybe you want to but think about it first.
  • Write about the situation for a few minutes.
  • Decide if you want to confront the friend who bullied you and what you will say:
    • “That was hurtful.” Say, “I felt…., “instead of,
      “You made me feel……”.
  • Create a healthy boundary for yourself (physical, emotional, or verbal).
  • Make sure you don’t comment on people’s bodies and don’t talk crap about your own body when you’re with your friends.
  • Try this bully ban one of my TikTok followers uses:
    “MY body is none of YOUR business.”
  • Be an upstander not a bystander if you see body bullying. “You need to stop. That’s not okay.  It’s creepy to judge and comment on other people’s bodies.”
  • Go to the party!!! Don’t let the bully win. Show up and have fun!

Make sure you check out all of IME Community goodness on social!

Debunking Diet Culture – Story vs. Facts – September 2022 Mantras

Debunking Diet Culture – Story vs. Facts – September 2022 Mantras

by | Sep 10, 2022 | Body Positivity, General, Parenting and Teens, Self Acceptance, Self Care, Teen Health and Wellness

Ready to challenge beliefs? Like, really challenge beliefs? Let’s do some necessary self-care by debunking diet culture beliefs that many people have accepted and internalized.

Do you know your thoughts have power? 

Your current thinking creates your current reality.

Your Now thinking creates your Now result.

The IME Community Think/Feel/Do Circuit

Check out the IME Community Think/Feel/Do Circuit below. 

Your brain is a story making machine.  

Most of what goes on in your brain, the thousands of unconscious thoughts coming up on the daily are just stories.  Thoughts are a rainbow that comes and goes; a sentence in your mind; a cloud going by while the real you is the quiet confidence of the blue sky.

You see other people and all of your life through a lens of your thoughts and most of the time you believe your thoughts to be true without challenging or questioning.  

Maybe you spend time protecting your ego and take action to protect your brain’s story and prove you are right?  I personally don’t know anything about this ego thing!

It’s not a problem for you, unless you get stuck in life, or blame other people for how you feel and for your actions. That’s called emotional childhood.  I’ll coach more on that later. 

Thoughts: The Power of Your Mind

Don’t believe me?

Check out my podcast or YouTube interview with my friend and colleague, Pete Allman where we talk about his book, “Thoughts: The Power of Your Mind”.  

It’s epic. 

Epically helpful, that is.

What Is a Belief? (Especially As It Relates to Diet Culture)

So, what’s a belief? 

It’s a powerful thought on a loop in your brain, mostly left unchallenged.

Did you know you can drop beliefs that don’t serve you like a book? 

Thought awareness is powerful.  

Most of the time, thoughts come up as a feeling, a vibration in your body. When it comes to diet thinking and beliefs and also with parenting, most of the time it’s disappointment, shame or fear that comes up as a vibration in your body.  

Here’s how it works. 

The more attachment to your thoughts or beliefs, the more powerful that think/feel/do circuit becomes in your brain. In my book I’m writing to help GenX parents deconstruct 80’s harmful and unfun diet culture so you can help your teen create healthy habit sticks for life. I’ll share more about how important “the work” is to do for yourself and in your home in my book, so get ready. 

The reality is if you don’t do “the work”, your teen will adopt diet beliefs and perpetuate the diet thinking cycle. 

When you are aware that you are not your thoughts, your thoughts are optional, same with beliefs, you can start to let go of what doesn’t serve you and create beliefs on purpose that do serve you.  It’s called a belief upgrade and it’s an epically powerful life coaching tool. 

In the book, “Helping People Change (Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth)”, coaching science shows humans are motivated to take action from a place of PEA or Positive Emotion Activation.  

Telling people (teens) what to do is authoritative compliance and evokes NEA, negative emotion activation and amotivation. For teens, for anyone to transform their health, they need PEA. 

Let’s start with some of the common diet thinking beliefs I’ve heard and thought about myself.  You may be following along with my Self-love superpower monthly mantras.  September is a month to challenge beliefs and create belief upgrades. 

Once you become aware of the beliefs or thoughts creating your feelings, you’re there.  Just pause.  You can then shift to create a belief upgrade or thoughts to think list.

30 Current Diet Thinking Beliefs

  • The only way to lose weight is to go on a diet.
  • The only way to lose weight is to deprive myself and watch what I eat all the time.
  • I have to count calories and be strict.
  • If I gain weight I will feel like a failure.
  • If I binge all of my work is gone.
  • I’m out of control when it comes to sugar.
  • I have to work out every day to lose weight.
  • A calorie deficit is the only way to lose weight. 
  • Weighing myself is the only way to see if I’m successful or a failure.
  • I have to set a weight loss goal.
  • I can’t eat what I want and lose weight.
  • Everyone else gets to eat what they want.
  • I should be able to stick to eating less sugar, but I can’t.
  • I don’t believe it’s possible for me to eat sugar in moderation.
  • Every time I have something I need to do, I just grab my phone and put it off.
  • I’m such a procrastinator.
  • I hate exercising.
  • I’m not an athlete.
  • I’ll get bullied if I try out for a sport.
  • I love sports, but I’m not good enough to make the team.
  • Every time I exercise I get so out of breath.
  • Exercising just isn’t for me.
  • There must be something wrong with my body.
  • I would have less worries in life if my body was smaller.
  • I’ll feel good about myself when I reach my goal weight.
  • I know I need to love myself, but how is the question.
  • I wish I could just live my life but everyone is so obsessed with my weight.
  • Truth is I don’t really care about my health.
  • I wish I wasn’t judged by my body size.
  • I wish people didn’t feel so entitled to make comments about my body.

Changing Diet Thinking Beliefs

Now, check out my 30 belief upgrades for each day of September:

  • I’m curious to discover a non-diet approach to reach my health goals.
  • Deprivation never works long-term, is harmful and leads to binging.
  • I always get to choose how to measure my success.
  • I never make gaining weight mean anything is going wrong.
  • When I binge eat, I use my self-compassion mantras to disrupt the binge-restriction cycle.
  • My over-desire for sugary foods is a habit pathway in my brain. 
  • My body was created to move.
  • Creating healthy habit sticks is the way to help my body reach a healthy weight set point range.
  • I never have to weigh myself if I don’t want to, especially if it’s triggering for me.
  • Setting a weight loss goal dehumanizes my body and puts all my success at the finish line. 
  • I choose to eat delicious food that serves me and my health goals.
  • I stay out of self-judging by not judging body sizes and what others eat or don’t eat.
  • I’m curious to learn more brain science about sugar craving pathways.
  • I am not powerless over sugar. 
  • Going on my phone is a habit and I can easily get unstuck.
  • I can take one action step and that’s enough.
  • I get to try new ways to be active and move my body. 
  • I am an active person.
  • My past experience trying out for new things doesn’t have to be in the way of my future self.
  • I try out for the team with every intention of making it. 
  • When I’m out of breath exercising, I can take a break.
  • I trust I will discover fun ways to be active.
  • My body is working.  Shaming my body never works.
  • Wishing my body was smaller creates unnecessary drama in my brain.
  • I fully love and accept myself now. 
  • Self-love is my daily intentional habit practice. 
  • I’m choosing to live my magical life.
  • I get to create my own definition of health that works for me.
  • I connect with people who value body diversity.
  • I let people know my body is my business.

Check off the mantras that resonate with you and write one of your own.  Let’s go:

Current belief:_________________________________________________

Belief upgrade:_______________________________________________

When you sign up for my Cut the Cringe parent coaching workshop, you’ll get entered into a drawing for a signed copy of Pete’s book, “Thoughts: The Power of Your Mind”. 

Thoughts, anyone?

Self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla

Interview: Teen Eating Disorders Thrive in Secrecy, So Let’s Talk About It

Interview: Teen Eating Disorders Thrive in Secrecy, So Let’s Talk About It

by | May 17, 2022 | Anti Bullying, Body Positivity, General, Parenting and Teens, Self Care, Teen Health and Wellness

If you are struggling with an eating disorder or believe you may be, Go to the National Eating Disorders Association for their Free online chat, call their Help Line at 1-800-931-2237 or contact their Crisis Line by Texting “NEDA” to 741741.

Dr. Karla talks with Dr. Jillian Rigert (DMD and MD) about what teens, parents, doctors, and teachers can do to help teens recognize, get treatment and heal from eating disorders in adolescence, starting with self-worth and self-compassion.

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month and this helpful information is needed now more than ever!

You get to live your magical and FUN life! 

Dr. Rigert wrote an incredibly helpful blog for IME Community, titled, “Lessons from a recovering perfectionist”.  I found Dr. Rigert’s blog and my interview with her to be so helpful and healing.

Teen Eating Disorders Video


We’re talking about teen eating disorders in this video, so just know that if you are not feeling it, go ahead and stop listening.  Also, the video is super helpful and healing, but doesn’t take the place of going to your doctor and working with a therapist who specializes in eating disorder treatment.  The earlier you are diagnosed and receive treatment, the better your outcome.  

First, if you are experiencing disordered eating, know that you are not alone, that it’s never your fault, you are worthy of help and treatment and healing no matter where you are with your diagnosis.  

Recognize, you are not broken and you can heal and live your beautiful life.  

You don’t cause and you don’t control all the things in life.  Eating disorders are a mental health diagnosis.  They are a medical condition.  You are not a diagnosis. 

I simply love you and want you to know that you are deserving of a self-love superpower life.  

Eating Disorders in Adolescence Are Common

Eating disorders are unfortunately common, cross gender lines, and do not have anything to do with weight.  What do I mean by that? You cannot determine if someone has an eating disorder based on their weight and external appearance. 

In our society and culture, we feel entitled to comment on bodies and sizeism is a thing and so is weight bullying, weight stigma and bias, and the false association between weight and health.  It’s all 100% harmful.

Dr. Jillian and I talk a lot about social media in this helpful discussion. It’s very very helpful. 

Welcome to National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.  I mean, I guess it’s a good thing to have an awareness week? What do you think?  I spent some time figuring out how to be helpful and not just share the typical talking points that are out there on eating disorders.   

How IME Community is addressing eating disorders starts with sharing the story of Dr. Jillian Rigert and her experience with an eating disorder, but most importantly, how Dr. Jillian is intentionally healing through her journey of self-worth and self-compassion.  

Sound familiar?  It’s self-love superpower! 

Eating disorders are “suffering”, a word Dr. Jillian used many times in this discussion.  Parents, note that your teen’s weight has absolutely nothing to do with their internal mental state.  If you believe your teen’s thinness means they should be happy, you’re wrong.  If you believe your teen who exists in a larger body, needs to shrink their body and their emotional and mental health and well-being will be fixed, wrong. I’m not saying that improving health habits won’t improve well-being.  Our focus on weight being equated to health and emotional health is just wrong.  

Stop Believing the Pursuit of Thin Privilege Gets to Happiness

Silence is fuel for an eating disorder.  Not talking about it, not knowing how to talk about it, staying stuck in diet culture, focusing too much on weight and not on mental health are all ways that parents and doctors contribute to the perpetuation of eating disorders and potentially create continued harm. 

Just like many issues in healthcare, eating disorder screening and treatment is another thing we’ve not been that helpful in addressing. Dr. Jillian and I talk about how we can start by having discussions with physicians and get rid of the focus on BMI (Body Mass Index) and weight-based diagnostic criteria.  When she talks about how harmful BMI at the doctor’s office was for her, I was overcome with emotion.  Her story is very powerful.  

Here’s a link to one of the many helpful Dr. Jillian Rigert articles on eating disorders, Eating Disorders Thrive in Secrecy, So Let’s Talk About It, published in KevinMD.com.  

Next up, I will discuss the different types of eating disorders.  Parents, please let me know what needs you have for coaching on this important health issue. 

Reach out to me at drkarlaactivistmd@imecommunity.com. Teens, 12 to 18, and parents of teens, go to imecommunity.com and subscribe to the IME Community newsletter – you’ll be automatically added to the IME Community and get my coaching to create a Body Positive Community for Teens in a Body Negative World!

Self- love superpower, 

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

Stuck in Stretch Mark Drama?

Do You Parent with Compassion or Compliance?

by | May 11, 2022 | General, Parenting and Teens

Do you parent with compassion or compliance?

I don’t have everything figured out.  

I don’t have some secret that I’m withholding from you.  

I don’t know any more than you, especially when it comes to your teen.  

I don’t think your parenting needs fixing or solving. 

You Are an Unbroken, Loving Parent

In fact, I believe with my whole heart that you are unbroken.  I believe with my whole heart that you are an incredible loving parent who is living your amazing life with your incredible teen.  Like me, you want your teen to reach their full potential in every aspect of life and be happy.  Right?  That seems like a tall order with all that’s going on in the world these days. 

You cannot control all of the things in the world for your teen, which often makes us feel helpless or powerless which makes us double down with our fear and lack and compliance parenting approach.

Once You Change, Your Teen Changes

Here is what I have worked on as a parent myself and as a pediatrician over many years, and that is, drumroll please, once I change, my teen changes.  Until coaching I thought I needed to change my teen to make myself feel better.  Wrong!  Once I learned the power of thoughts and that thoughts create feelings, I started to get curious and invested at least the last 2 ½ years (yes, years) in creating a more loving and supportive approach with my teens.

I was as stuck as a parent could be in a fixed and prickly relationship with my daughter.  I kept waiting for her to grow out of it and it seems like it took me forever to figure out that I’m the one who has to “grow up and out of it”.  Of course, she stepped up too with intention to create a more healthy dynamic between us.  I can tell when she is trying.  

I was parenting her from fear and lack and a belief that when I say something she should do it and collecting all of the evidence when she didn’t do what I said, take my advice which would, of course, at least in my mind, make her life so much better and make her more successful, then I could make it mean that the label I was assigning to her is true.  I became more self-righteous as a Mom and our relationship suffered or stayed stuck and I felt like a failure and felt defeated, hopeless and helpless.

Learn to Parent with Compassion Instead of Compliance

I was parenting with compliance and not compassion. A round of unfun for all! Yuck!

Now, the first and most important thing I learned is to put my self-love superpower oxygen mask on first.  

I learned how to stay in my lane, that I will continue to make mistakes (on the daily) and I learned how to set boundaries, which has helped me with all aspects of my life. 

I recognize that I cannot fix or solve my teen because they are unbroken.

I recognize I don’t cause or control all of the things and that I am a mere mortal and so is my teen.  

I learned that even though my actions came from good intentions, none of it was helpful when my actions, coming from my feelings, created by my thoughts I was choosing over and over even though they weren’t serving me, are what mattered.  All our teens know is our actions or inactions. In your head, you may be June or Ward Cleaver or Dr. Spock, but none of that matters if you are triggered to get in your teen’s lane every time they walk in the room.  

I created a curious awareness of my thought patterns that would send me into emotional reactivity and victim mode instead of taking responsibility for my feelings and responding as an emotional adult.  

Parent with Compassion and Stay Out of Shame, Guild, and Judgment

I learned to parent with compassion and not compliance and most importantly, to treat myself with compassion and not judge how good of a parent I am 

I stay out of shame, guilt and judgment of my teen and myself as a parent, most of the time.   

My teen and I just got back from a couple of college visits and we had such a great time.  We had our moments of tension which is fine, those will always happen, but so many glorious moments that we wouldn’t have had if I haven’t done this self-work.

You and your teen are worthy of your self-work. 

Self-love superpower, 

Dr. Karla