I never know how to spell judgement.  Is it with an “e” in the middle or not? Will you clarify this for me, once and for all?  My only problem is I won’t remember your answer.  You know how words start sounding weird the more you say them or they just look weird on paper?  Oh well.  That’s enough of that.  I’m definitely not judging myself over what spellcheck can have my back on.

Do you ever judge yourself?   Are you human?  If yes is your answer to my second question, then, your answer is yes to my first question.

To be human is to judge.  Wow! That sounds so judgmental of all humans!

So, well, of course, you judge yourself on all sorts of things.  Some days may even feel like a self-judging smorgasboard.  Sometimes, you may think everyone is judging you?  Hold up.  That’s the next podcast, YouTube and IME blog called Are You Me? 

Self-judging is kind of like when you fight with your sister or brother and they have you pinned down and are taking your hand and slapping your face with it (not too hard, hopefully) and saying, “Why you keep hittin’ yourself?”  That scenario is kind of funny, but hitting yourself verbally in your mind as you are going about your day is one of the least funny things I can think of.  It’s the opposite of fun.  I would call it nufnu, or unfun spelled backwards which I talked about in my You say it’s not your Birthday! Who cares! Party time! podcast.  Anyway, when we are doing a lot of self-judging, it can cause unnecessary pain for ourselves and is an energy drain and keeps us from getting to where we want to go and do what we want to do, like even simply getting off our phone to get a paper written. 

So, why do we self-judge and when do we know we’ve taken it so far that we are actually not able to do what we wish to do or maybe we are causing ourselves harm?

Self-judging may come up in your body.  It feels like a weighted blanket to me. So, can’t I just throw it off?  Sometimes!  Other times it’s more insidious and I have to just check it at the door, like a coat I’m fine with leaving at a swanky party if I lose my ticket to redeem it at the coat check at the end of the party.  Nah, I’m fine.  That old thing?  Who needs that?  Not me.

Self-judging is always going to happen.  The problem is it can be a pain point we create for ourselves if we are in the habit of taking it too far.  Simple awareness or recognition and checking those thoughts at the door can help.  I’m onto you, Brain.  I see what you are doing.  It’s okay. You’re trying to keep me safe.  You think there’s something scary happening and I’m simply telling you “Nope, nothing is going wrong here.” 

Self-judging must serve a purpose.  I mean as cave-humans there must have been some days on the hunt, when the cave-human brain said or grunted when the hunt was an epic fail and they came back empty- handed, “Hey, maybe try to sharpen up that spear next time, you big Dummy.” (very evolved language-wise cave-humans)

I can help you to stop judging yourself. Judging yourself too much results in ongoing pain and suffering that isn’t necessary and will be a roadblock for you to reach your goals.

You’ve got to hand it to yourself.  Why would you want to make any sort of change or take action or lose weight or try something, when your own brain is judging you harshly the whole time?  It’s like you are your own worst enemy.  It’s literally like having Judge Judy renting a penthouse apartment in your brain.

Some people call this self-judging voice the inner critic, The Voice (Geneen Roth), or just negative self-talk.  We all have it.

Self-judging is secondary comes from most often or starts with a feeling.  It could be shame that’s coming up.  We are never taught to process our feelings. In fact, we’re taught that it’s weak to feel our feelings.  So, judging comes from feeling shame and it’s resistance.  It’s like white knuckling on the way up the big roller coaster hill, squeezing that bar so tightly, and then also resisting and white knuckling the entire way down.  We’re kind of taught to be like that one person in those pics they take at amusement parks on the way down.  You know the one person in the group who has the look of complete shock and terror and is gripping on for dear life while everyone else has both arms up and is screaming with a mix of terror and excitement.  I’m usually the gripper. 

So, how do you know when your self-judging is helpful?

Maybe you think it’s motivating you?  You can probably tell if it’s too much by how you feel most likely.  Or, just by how much negative self-talk and mind chatter is coming up for you throughout the day.  Do you feel weighted down like there’s a heavy weighted blanket?  Are you stuck and don’t know or aren’t figuring out the next step to take towards a goal? Then, your self-judging is too much. 

Notice when you’re self-judging and don’t try to fix.  Create a pause and that will give you some space to lighten it up and soften up instead of being hard on yourself.  Practice your self-acceptance habit skill and give yourself a nice nurturing hug with your warm invisible blanket. Join IME Community where I’ll teach you how to stop self-judging, slay your goals and chase your dreams and have some fun!  Let’s go!

Say I am me. Get your self-acceptance blanket out.  It’s warm.  It’s invisible and always there for you.  I fully love and accept myself.  Write it on a post-it note and carry it with you during the day.  Sleep with it stuck to your forehead if you need to.  These are the first steps to self-love, which is your superpower.  You are worthy of learning to love yourself.  I hope you already do and you’re ready to knock down those goals!  Let’s go!  You came to the right place.  As world’s most impatient person, I will waste zero of your time.