PERFECT doesn’t exist.
Perfect DOESN’T exist.
Perfect doesn’t EXIST.
Ginny is 15 and hates her stretch marks. Every time she glances in the mirror, she notices them on her thighs and stomach. They just seemed to pop up overnight.
Even if she’s having a great day, seeing her stretch marks ruins everything. It doesn’t help that her doctor just diagnosed her with PCOS, and she’s scared about it. Also, Ginny’s Mom says, “You’re beautiful. You’re growing. We all have stretch marks in our family.”
Sometimes Ginny can’t get her mind off her stretch marks, and she thinks about them for the rest of the day. Sometimes Ginny asks her mom if she can have surgery or laser treatment or if she needs to go on a diet to get rid of her stretch marks. Sometimes Ginny gets mad at her mom for giving her the stretch marks since they run in her mom’s family.
Thoughts Are the Cause of Stretch Mark Drama – Stretch Marks Are Just Skin
Are you like Ginny? Stuck in stretch mark drama?
Thoughts are the cause.
Maybe, you’re like, “No way, I couldn’t care less about stretch marks.”
Same thing.
Thoughts are the cause.
Not your stretch marks, which are just skin.
I never thought I would be coaching on stretch marks, especially when I haven’t thought about mine in forever, like decades, but stretch marks come up all the time. Especially with pandemic weight gain. I remember thinking about mine when I first noticed them.
Stretch marks usually aren’t painful, but they definitely seem to cause a lot of mind pain and drama.
Powerful Coaching Spoiler alert: It’s not the stretch marks. It’s your thoughts about stretch marks that are keeping you stuck in your mind pain and drama.
What Do You Think Stretch Marks Mean?
- Do stretch marks mean you’re old before your time?
- Do stretch marks mean you’re out of shape?
- Do stretch marks mean youre ugly?
- Do stretch marks mean you’re scarred?
- Are stretch marks permanent?
- Are stretch markes evidence of something?
- Are stretch marks something to be ashamed of?
- Do stretch marks mean you’re broken?
- Do stretch marks mean something’s wrong with your body?
Do you believe me when I tell you that your stuckness in stretch mark negativity has nothing to do with stretch marks?
Getting Rid of Stretch Marks at All Costs Won’t Change How You Feel
If you change and get rid of stretch marks by whatever means possible, then I guarantee you will still feel the same. It’s because of how your brain works.
There are circumstances in the world like facts, other people, all the things you don’t cause, and you don’t control. Yes, stretch marks fit into a definition of circumstance. Your brain is triggered with a thought or many thoughts about circumstances in your life. Thoughts create feelings and feelings drive actions and actions create your results. Your current thinking creates your current reality. I’m not making this stuff up. I promise.
See the IME Think—>Feel—->Do Circuit:
Even Celebrities Have Stretch Marks – And It’s Also Okay Not to Love Them
When you attach to society’s external and unattainable beauty standard, you are attaching to a false belief about your body. Think Kardashians and IG pics.
I promise all the Kardashians have stretch marks. In other words, stop comparing your body to what doesn’t exist.
It’s also okay to not love stretch marks.
Create Awareness of the Thoughts to Change Your Thinking
It’s also okay to create awareness of the thought that you are attached to that takes you down the rabbit hole of negative self-talk and hating on your body.
Check out my June Body Image Thoughts to Think where I coach you to get out of your negative body talk.
It’s also okay to create self-awareness of how easily your brain hops on and rides around on the body judging thought train.
When you become aware of your thoughts that are creating your feelings and actions and your current almost addiction to negativity, then you are free.
It’s your thoughts that are the cause. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts are optional. Guess what? How do I know this? Because I’m on TikTok a lot, I can assure you there are people out there who have zero thoughts or negativity about stretch marks.
They may think, “Everyone’s got them.”
Let’s plug it into the IME Think—>Feel—–>Do Thought Circuit to see how your current thinking creates your current reality.
You may be thinking Now Thought Circuits:
Think:
“I shouldn’t have stretch marks.”
Feel:
“Disappointed”
Do:
“Get on my phone/Get on IG/Google how to get rid of stretch marks”
Reality:
“I am arguing with facts.”
Or
Think:
“I can’t accept myself if I have stretch marks.”
Feel:
“Shame”
Do:
“Look for all the things that are wrong with me/Judge my body/Scroll on TikTok for hours”
Reality:
“I don’t accept my true self no matter what.”
Or
Think:
“My stretch marks are more evidence I am broken.”
Feel:
“Failure”
Do:
“Judge myself/Restrict my eating/Binge”
Reality:
“I believe my body is a failure.”
Or
Think:
“Only gross people have stretch marks.”
Feel:
“Disgusted”
Do:
“Isolate in my room/Don’t talk to friends/Stay home”
Reality:
“I am choosing to judge myself and others based on society’s unattainable false perfectionistic beauty standards.”
If none of these You may be thinking Now Thought Circuits flip your switch, then try writing your own.
See how the Thought Circuit works? Your action or the Do line comes from your Feel or feeling line which starts from your Think or thought line.
What you Do creates your Reality or results. If you’re taking Algebra (don’t remind me of story problems), it’s kind of like a formula and Think, Feel, Do are the variables and Reality is your result (funny word to say out loud a bunch of times) on the other side of the equal sign. If you are actually taking Algebra, can you toss me a variable and help me out?
Stretch marks or skin are the circumstance. A mere fact if you will.
If you’re staying stuck without awareness of the thoughts that you’re attached to that create your reality, you will keep giving more and more power to the body-judging negativity circuit in your brain. Body judging circuits will get more and more power surges.
You can unplug and the power will go out by creating thought awareness.
So, maybe someday you decide you want to change something about your body?
Great.
Future You Can Decide to Change Something About Your Body – Or Not!
You can always change. Keep in mind changing is different from fixing. If you believe you can change up the circumstance line and your feelings will be different, or if you act from a feeling of fear or shame about yourself, you will have the same reality and result of body judging negativity.
You may decide not to decide to change something about your body. You may decide, “Wait, that doesn’t align with me and who I truly am.”
Here’s Future You talk: “Sure, I don’t want my stretch marks, but after thinking about it, I’d rather save up my money to go on a fun trip to Europe with my future college friends than spend $$$$ on laser treatment that most likely won’t work for stretch marks.”
You may decide you value life experiences over chasing validation from society’s made-up external beauty standard.
Doesn’t mean you want to automatically own your stretch marks and go flaunt them.
Maybe, you do. That’s your decision.
Sometimes knowing this fact is super powerful:
You can always change something about yourself.
Of course.
No problem.
The problem is acting from a place of self-loathing and negative self-talk usually only brings short lived relief. Thoughts are the cause of your pain. Your attachment to your thoughts without awareness or questioning them is what’s causing harm. You need to like your reasons for changing something about yourself.
Hating On Your Body Is a Choice That You Can Shift
The more you stay stuck on your current thought, the more powerful it becomes.
It’s a choice.
You can shift.
Sometimes knowing this fact is super powerful:
Hating on your body is a choice.
Here’s what to choose instead when a negative body thought comes up:
- Recognize you’re activated
- Allow your feeling
- Create a pause
- Self-love superpower
- Notice “I’m being hard on myself.”
- Allow “I feel pressure and sick to my stomach right now.”
- Pause “I’m taking a deep breath in through my nose.”
- Self-kindness “This is hard.” “I’m not stuck.” “I love and accept myself now.”
You are now rewiring your thought circuit to one that serves you.
Not a fake cheesy one, but a thought circuit that creates a reality more aligned with your true self and is more fun, you have your back, is based on self-acceptance and you can start making decisions from a place of calm and not self-hate and fear of not fitting in.
Stretch marks are a circumstance that may trigger your body-judging thought train. Body judging thoughts will keep coming up in your brain and that’s okay. There’s nothing going wrong when that happens. Awareness cuts off the power source.
Notes for Parents
- Don’t convince your teen to love all their body. It may be too much of a thought leap and if it’s not believable, will not resonate with your teen and you and your advice will not resonate with your teen.
- Don’t invalidate your teen’s feelings.
- Get your teen to share their thoughts and feelings.
- “It sounds like you’re upset.”
- “What are you feeling?”
- “That sounds tough.”
- Recognize when you’re activated with fear because of your own body-judging thought circuits.
- Don’t say anything about your own stretch marks.
- Do the thought circuit work for yourself.
Reminder for Parents based on my personal experience and epic failures: Your teen may get into resistance mode and defend their thought or belief and get more stuck in body judging thoughts if you get into fix and solve mode.
Ready to rewire your Think Feel Do circuits to get unstuck from body negativity and get what you want? Oh, and have fun doing it? Let’s go!
Check out all the ways you can Work with Dr. Karla (https://www.drkarlamd.com) and make sure you follow me, Dr. Karla and IME Community on social. Share the goodness with everyone!
Self-love superpower,
Dr. Karla
