by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Mar 5, 2021 | General
So, you just left your doctor’s office and they showed you and your teen the growth charts and BMI% that shows they are in the overweight or obese category.
Maybe this isn’t news or maybe it is? It can be a real shock to the system.
Some of the things that may be coming up for you are:
Alarm, anxiety, fear that this conversation or anything you say will cause harm?
Most likely you are feeling a twinge of guilt or shame or worry or denial.
Maybe you aren’t concerned?
Maybe you have a lot going on in your life and this is literally the least or not even a worry for you?
Maybe everything is going great for your teen right now and you don’t want to rock the boat?
With COVID, we all need to give ourselves a break, so a little weight gain is nothing to be concerned about?
There are no wrong ways to react or feel in any situation. All feelings that are coming up are real. Thoughts create feelings which drive our actions and our results. Current thinking creates your current reality. If you feel powerless, hopeless, defeated, shame, guilt, denial, blame, judgment, worry, calm, helpful, interested, curious, hopeful, whatever it is you’re feeling, recognize that feelings come from your thoughts and not your teen’s measurements or anything the doctor tells you about your teen’s health.
Shamebusters/Mythbusters:
You don’t cause and you don’t control: our children and teens are not puppets on a string that we control. Hopefully, we’ve learned that by now. Our teens let us know this, don’t they? Mine do. There are a lot of causes to the epidemic of childhood obesity in the U.S., but if we narrow it down to one cause, the singular cause is our food system. Diets don’t work and they often cause harm. Low-calorie and low-fat haven’t been helpful and often fight our natural physiology and can be grueling and feel rigid and restrictive.
I encourage you to listen to my podcast (#7) that I call Shamebusters: My Weight Journey and also read my IME blog called No Before and No After to learn about my weight journey. My hope is you will feel some relief and have some compassion and grace for yourself and your teen as you understand that it’s not helpful to blame ourselves as individuals. Shame and guilt are natural human emotions and we can learn to process and respond, without reacting with judgment that will keep us stuck and buffering our emotions with food.
So, what works?
Studies show there are protective factors to prevent both eating disorders and unhealthy weight gain:
- Promote positive body image
- Family mealtimes
We’re always talking about how we all come in different shapes and sizes and that pertains to us parents too. No matter where we are on our health journey or with our eating and activity levels, we can all do what the studies show are helpful. Come on, Parents, don’t argue with science! I’ll always blind you with science. In other words, we can all promote positive body image and intentionally work to increase our family mealtimes.
We’ve been trained to think that we need to be role models for perfect eating. That isn’t helpful thinking because perfect doesn’t exist and keeps us in all or nothing thinking and feels powerless and helpless. The only role-modeling I want to encourage you to focus on, and I never waste your time, is to role-model self-compassion. Actually, role model imperfection too and show you aren’t going to pile on yourself, beat yourself up, criticize, restrict, and punish yourself, or make it mean anything about you as a parent or person when things don’t go your way.
We are all humans on a human journey and we need to have grace and compassion for ourselves and that starts with us as parents. We all love and want what’s best for our children no matter what. We want to prevent suffering for them, but we all know that is living in la la land (I’m not talking that awesome movie with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, though now I really want to watch it. No, must work). We don’t cause and we don’t control all of the things. Even when everything is going great for our teen, we’re not controlling that either! Whoa! My mind was blown when I started my life coaching journey and learned that little tidbit.
Let’s be compassionate because even this blog and my podcast and YouTube video will be activating for most of us. That’s okay. Just note that those are just thoughts coming up for you and try a better thought while you’re listening, like, “I’m listening and learning and showing up as a loving and supportive parent.” “I don’t have to fix or solve anything.” “I’m curious and wanting to create a positive and fun way forward.” “I believe in my teen’s unlimited potential.” “Nothing is going wrong.” “I’m a loving parent who tries my best at the time.”
Check out my 5 Keys for Parents to Support Your Teen’s Health Independence. Listen to the podcast and YouTube video and stay tuned for the IME Community FB group for parents coming soon! Below is a list of ways to help you as a parent promote positive body image in your child/teen (created for teachers and parents by The Student Body). Make sure you encourage your teen to sign up for the IME member Community!
Parents’ role in promoting a positive body image
Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in the development of children’s attitudes and behaviors. Although a child’s body image can be influenced by their peers, the media, and other adults in their lives, it is parents who help to build a strong foundation for their child.
Before helping your child, it is important to understand your own attitudes towards food, exercise and your body. As a parent or caregiver, what messages are you sending?
- Are you dissatisfied with your shape, size, and weight? Do you talk about this?
- Are you always on, or going on, a diet?
- Do you express guilt when you eat certain foods?
- Do you make negative comments about the way other people look?
Tips for promoting a positive body image in your child/teen
- Place less emphasis on your child’s appearance and more on their abilities and skills.
- Be a role model by accepting your body and maintaining a positive attitude towards food and exercise.
- Make time for family meals and enjoy the time spent together.
- Encourage your child/teen to think critically about messages and images they see and hear in the media.
- Help your child/teen understand that their body will change, especially throughout puberty.
- Promote activities that make your child/teen feel good about themselves and that don’t focus on their appearance.
- Teach your child/teen that it is OK to show emotions such as sadness, anger, and frustration.
For more information on promoting a positive body image in your child, visit The Student Body, a resource for teachers and parents.
by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Mar 5, 2021 | General
I never know how to spell judgement. Is it with an “e” in the middle or not? Will you clarify this for me, once and for all? My only problem is I won’t remember your answer. You know how words start sounding weird the more you say them or they just look weird on paper? Oh well. That’s enough of that. I’m definitely not judging myself over what spellcheck can have my back on.
Do you ever judge yourself? Are you human? If yes is your answer to my second question, then, your answer is yes to my first question.
To be human is to judge. Wow! That sounds so judgmental of all humans!
So, well, of course, you judge yourself on all sorts of things. Some days may even feel like a self-judging smorgasboard. Sometimes, you may think everyone is judging you? Hold up. That’s the next podcast, YouTube and IME blog called Are You Me?
Self-judging is kind of like when you fight with your sister or brother and they have you pinned down and are taking your hand and slapping your face with it (not too hard, hopefully) and saying, “Why you keep hittin’ yourself?” That scenario is kind of funny, but hitting yourself verbally in your mind as you are going about your day is one of the least funny things I can think of. It’s the opposite of fun. I would call it nufnu, or unfun spelled backwards which I talked about in my You say it’s not your Birthday! Who cares! Party time! podcast. Anyway, when we are doing a lot of self-judging, it can cause unnecessary pain for ourselves and is an energy drain and keeps us from getting to where we want to go and do what we want to do, like even simply getting off our phone to get a paper written.
So, why do we self-judge and when do we know we’ve taken it so far that we are actually not able to do what we wish to do or maybe we are causing ourselves harm?
Self-judging may come up in your body. It feels like a weighted blanket to me. So, can’t I just throw it off? Sometimes! Other times it’s more insidious and I have to just check it at the door, like a coat I’m fine with leaving at a swanky party if I lose my ticket to redeem it at the coat check at the end of the party. Nah, I’m fine. That old thing? Who needs that? Not me.
Self-judging is always going to happen. The problem is it can be a pain point we create for ourselves if we are in the habit of taking it too far. Simple awareness or recognition and checking those thoughts at the door can help. I’m onto you, Brain. I see what you are doing. It’s okay. You’re trying to keep me safe. You think there’s something scary happening and I’m simply telling you “Nope, nothing is going wrong here.”
Self-judging must serve a purpose. I mean as cave-humans there must have been some days on the hunt, when the cave-human brain said or grunted when the hunt was an epic fail and they came back empty- handed, “Hey, maybe try to sharpen up that spear next time, you big Dummy.” (very evolved language-wise cave-humans)
I can help you to stop judging yourself. Judging yourself too much results in ongoing pain and suffering that isn’t necessary and will be a roadblock for you to reach your goals.
You’ve got to hand it to yourself. Why would you want to make any sort of change or take action or lose weight or try something, when your own brain is judging you harshly the whole time? It’s like you are your own worst enemy. It’s literally like having Judge Judy renting a penthouse apartment in your brain.
Some people call this self-judging voice the inner critic, The Voice (Geneen Roth), or just negative self-talk. We all have it.
Self-judging is secondary comes from most often or starts with a feeling. It could be shame that’s coming up. We are never taught to process our feelings. In fact, we’re taught that it’s weak to feel our feelings. So, judging comes from feeling shame and it’s resistance. It’s like white knuckling on the way up the big roller coaster hill, squeezing that bar so tightly, and then also resisting and white knuckling the entire way down. We’re kind of taught to be like that one person in those pics they take at amusement parks on the way down. You know the one person in the group who has the look of complete shock and terror and is gripping on for dear life while everyone else has both arms up and is screaming with a mix of terror and excitement. I’m usually the gripper.
So, how do you know when your self-judging is helpful?
Maybe you think it’s motivating you? You can probably tell if it’s too much by how you feel most likely. Or, just by how much negative self-talk and mind chatter is coming up for you throughout the day. Do you feel weighted down like there’s a heavy weighted blanket? Are you stuck and don’t know or aren’t figuring out the next step to take towards a goal? Then, your self-judging is too much.
Notice when you’re self-judging and don’t try to fix. Create a pause and that will give you some space to lighten it up and soften up instead of being hard on yourself. Practice your self-acceptance habit skill and give yourself a nice nurturing hug with your warm invisible blanket. Join IME Community where I’ll teach you how to stop self-judging, slay your goals and chase your dreams and have some fun! Let’s go!
Say I am me. Get your self-acceptance blanket out. It’s warm. It’s invisible and always there for you. I fully love and accept myself. Write it on a post-it note and carry it with you during the day. Sleep with it stuck to your forehead if you need to. These are the first steps to self-love, which is your superpower. You are worthy of learning to love yourself. I hope you already do and you’re ready to knock down those goals! Let’s go! You came to the right place. As world’s most impatient person, I will waste zero of your time.
by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Mar 5, 2021 | General
I recently coached Logan, IME Community Social Media Strategist, who wanted some life coaching on procrastinating and some help staying off his phone. He’s taking 17 hours (5 classes) as a sophomore at UNL this semester and is having a hard time getting stuff done. He doesn’t hand things in late, has always done really well in school, and really likes to learn the material. He always gets it done, so there’s that too. I asked him why it’s a problem at all if he always gets it done. The problem he said is he’s in a pattern of making it harder on himself and spending only a couple of hours on a paper that he thinks he should have been working on for a whole week. He then feels badly about himself. When he thinks about his class load this semester or a paper that was due a couple of hours from when I coached him, he thinks, “If I can’t learn the way I want to, then what would be the point.” So, his problem is he’s not showing up as his authentic self and is stuck in a pattern that may have worked fine for him in the past, but isn’t going to work for him as his classes get harder. Logan was blaming his class load when that’s a circumstance, and the real problem is that he is creating a feeling of defeated from his thought, “If I can’t learn the way I want to, then what’s the point.”
Here are my notes I sent Logan after the life coaching session:
Logan,
Here’s your unintentional thought model. It shows how your current thinking creates your current results and not the circumstance of the class load or the paper.
Circumstance: 17 hours and 5 classes
Thought: If I can’t learn the way I like to, then what’s the point.
Feeling: Defeated
Action: buffer by going on phone; feel bad about myself; blame class load
Result: I’m not positioning myself to learn the way I want.
You had some beautiful awareness of thoughts. You also said your thought was, “This is for later,” and “This is a lot,” when you sit down to work on the paper. The feeling that comes from that thought is overwhelm.
Thoughts will come up as will uncomfortable feelings as you sit down to work on a paper or study. There’s nothing going wrong. A thought is just a sentence in your mind or a cloud going by or a rainbow. You don’t have to believe it or make it mean anything. Also, we talked about the motivational triad and how our brains are literally status quo comfort machines that will keep us avoiding pain, seeking comfort, and seeking pleasure. You can be curious observer and just say, “Hey, Brain. I’m onto you. I see what you’re doing here. There’s nothing going wrong.”
We also talked about buffering which is something we do that creates a relief or happiness, that little zing of dopamine, false pleasure when we are trying to get out of feeling an uncomfortable emotion. You said you feel relief and happiness as you go to your phone.
To create an intentional model, try on a new thought that serves you and that you believe and that is in alignment with your ideal self, who, as you said, is someone who really likes to learn. You can also ask yourself, “What’s my desired outcome?” Then, think of what’s in your way. First, it’s your thoughts and then there are other obstacles and challenges that you can turn into strategies.
Circumstance: 17 hours and 5 classes
Thought:
Feeling:
Action:
Result:
You can start on any line you want. If you want to start on the result line, no problem. Then, go to what actions will create the result you want, and what feeling drives those actions, and what thought creates the feeling you want. This is all the best news ever. Logan, all you have to do is unlock the power of your mind and you have all the power you need to create any result you want!
Self-Love Superpower,
Dr. Karla
by Peter Allman, MA | Mar 5, 2021 | General
The way you operate in your internal and external worlds always starts in the internal world of thoughts. Your thoughts then create your feelings. The information from your thoughts and feelings leads you to choose your behaviors. This is the progression of how we live:
Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviors
Everything starts with a thought. The National Science Foundation found we have about 50 thoughts every minute. That’s up to 50, 000 thought a day! That’s a lot of thoughts! If your mind is constantly scampering around like a squirrel on caffeine, how can you find the feelings of peace and serenity?
Everything starts with a thought. There are incredibly healthy thoughts like, “I want to eradicate polio.” This led to the behavior of creating a vaccine which stopped the spinal chord motor neuron disease. There are also incredibly unhealthy thoughts like, “Jews are bad.” This led to the behavior of creating concentration camps and the killing millions of Jews.
The number of thoughts we have each day is staggering. The power of these thoughts is also staggering. Can you imagine being able to shape, control, and access the power of your thinking? Can you imagine living with a mind that is quiet and composed?
The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master. Thoughts, The Power of Your Mind uses the wisdom of thought leaders through the ages. Each chapter contains a provocative quote from a philosopher, artist, author, spiritual leader, scientist, statesman, or theologian to help you train your mind to be a wonderful servant.
With the help of this book, you are going to explore the power of your thoughts. You will “see’ your thoughts and that will create room to work with those thoughts. You will have the flexibility to decide whether to act on that thought or discard it and create a healthier one. Believe it or not, you will create a life that is more centered, quiet, and peaceful.
by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Mar 5, 2021 | General
I wanted to share with you more about what happens when we believe that others are judging us. I’m not talking about bullying. Speaking of bullying, here is a helpful link to Helping Everyone Achieve Respect: https://project-hear.us. I’ve been bullied and it’s definitely painful. Remember, find your helpers and seek out and create your communities that recognize your humanity. Bullying is not neutral and has to be called out and addressed. What I’m talking about in this blog is the pain we create when we choose to think we are constantly being judged by others.
What anyone says is a circumstance and is actually neutral, though it doesn’t feel that way and is more complex. It’s not what they say, though that can be triggering, it’s our thoughts about what they said that create the feeling and that’s what drives the actions to make what we think someone else is doing, saying or thinking mean about us as an individual.
In fact, we really have no idea what anyone else’s experience, thoughts, or what they are thinking about us. We are completely powerless over others, which is the good news. Because, everyone else is completely powerless over you. Now, I’m not talking about your parents, teachers and the rules we follow. Of course, we all have consequences for our actions. I’m talking about the fact that other people are powerless over your thoughts and feelings and actions and results.
We are humans and we want to fit in and we want others’ approval, and when someone says something or acts in a certain way, or we just think they are judging us, we think if only they knew the real me or I could change, then nobody would be judging me. As you are going about your day, hum, hum, hum, the thought that they are judging me, can cause you to have a feeling of judging yourself and then your actions are probably going to be to jump out of your own lane, your own life, your own power, and convince and defend.
They may be judging you. Who knows? You’re a human. You and I judge other people. Right? We talked in the podcast on self-judging (Lighten up on yourself) that all humans are judgmental and that those thoughts are going to keep coming up, but we can soften them up and lessen them and note that they are just thoughts and choose not to give thoughts that aren’t serving you power. All we have to do to pull the plug on their power is to recognize when and how they come up for us.
Usually, when we are judging someone, we are actually judging ourselves. So, let that be a helpful indicator to you. You can start to notice when you are judging someone else and learn to drop it like a book. Judging others means you are headed into comparison land and that is like in CandyLand where you get sent backwards to the start. I hate it when that happens. It feels really good sometimes to judge other people. It’s like that itch we gotta scratch. Ooh, up to the right a little higher, that’s the spot. But, recognize, this is going No-wheresville. The reason is your judging means nothing to them and has zero effect on their life. It’s a waste of your time.
I don’t mean you shouldn’t have boundaries that keep you safe and in a healthy place. Also, I know that what other people say can be triggering in a good, bad or neutral way, so can trigger a thought that creates a feeling. It’s the thought about what they said or what you are making it mean about yourself that creates whatever feeling you are having.
You don’t have to spend your time convincing people who you are and I would recommend not wasting time defending yourself. Now, this depends on the circumstance, of course. You can be clear with other people and set boundaries and decide maybe not to be friends with them and you don’t want to hang out because you have decided that you would rather find people to hang out with who are more in line with how you treat people. That makes sense and you get to decide and love your choice.
Here are the three most helpful life coaching teachings I have learned and I’m telling you they are life changing! If you have a thought coming up that you are being judged, just ask yourself or consider challenging your current thinking and beliefs that aren’t serving you:
- What am I making it mean? Why am I giving other people’s words, actions or what I think they are thinking about me power?
- Let them be who they are. We can’t change other people. So, let them be who they are.
- Let them be wrong about you. Don’t waste your time convincing or defending yourself. You have an amazing life to live. When you have your own back and fully love and accept yourself no matter what, you have self-love as your superpower!
The power is in you as an individual accepting yourself no matter what and power in a community that you seek out that fully loves and accepts you.
When you wear that warm self-acceptance blanket and you have your mantra- I aM mE and I fully love and accept myself, there’s nothing you can’t do. That’s available to you right now.
Self-Love Superpower,
Dr. Karla
by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Mar 5, 2021 | General
It makes me about puke when people want to see my weight loss before and after pictures. I’m not happy to show them, not because of the pictures or my weight, but because to what end? Why is it anyone’s business? It’s so weird if you think about it. I don’t know. Maybe they’re just curious? Maybe they think it’s such a huge relief for me that I was this “broken” person and now am “fixed” in their eyes. Have I now arrived at a summit on top of a happy mountain and my life is now going to be full of ease and without suffering? Nope. Nope. Nope. My weight has never defined me. I’m a human on a human journey having all of the human experiences in every moment. That’s it. Simple.
So many things change in our lives and in our brains because of the minute-to-minute daily experiences and interactions living our human lives, it would be impossible to sum it all up in before and after photos.
Our weight is a neutral circumstance, a measure on a scale that, unfortunately, in our society, is weaponized to mean something about us as individuals. Spoiler alert: we have a long way to go, but things are getting better! In our society, everyone is so used to this topic being everywhere, we have become desensitized to our stigma and bias, which means we may not even notice when personal boundaries are violated. For those of us who struggle with our weight, we’re so used to it, maybe we don’t even notice when we’re asked questions that really should be private health information. Or, maybe we don’t want to be rude, so we answer the questions or laugh it off, or think if I just answer a question or two, then it will stop? What I just wrote makes my stomach hurt.
On the other hand, in general, people operate with good intentions, so we can give people the benefit of the doubt that they are genuinely caring. Plus, we all know that us doctors haven’t figured out how to have helpful conversations about weight in the clinic, so why are we surprised when people don’t have a clue how to talk about it in public?
We are so very far off about weight in our culture that it’s not that hard to see when people ask to see before pictures, they are truly clueless about what that is saying to those of us who were fine in our before bodies. Sure, there were things we would rather not have had to deal with and maybe we weren’t truly happy about all of the things and our weight wasn’t exactly where we wanted it, but that’s always the case with all of life for every human. There are always things we would change and wish were different in every moment of every day. Shocker! Not. Here’s the thing: we are never and were never and never will be broken. If there is no before, then there’s no after.
Maybe we can’t stop the questions, but we can show up and tend to causes and work towards our own amazing journey of self-discovery however we choose. Over time, we will make it a more just society and the stigma and shame and bias will get better. I just know it. I believe this with my whole heart. It’s not going to happen overnight. So, when someone asks you to see your before and after pictures, how do you want to show up? Just say, there is only now and it’s a great day!
The reality is there are enough cool people out there right now who you can create your communities with, where you will find the support you need to reach all of your goals and dreams. Hint: Join IME Community!!
by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Feb 25, 2021 | General
Hey! There’s a 1/365 chance that if you’re reading this, it’s your birthday! Okay, maybe the odds are less than that since the math only works if you read this IME Blog at least once a day for a year. Oh, I hope so, but not likely. Hopefully, you don’t have time to read an IME Blog every day because you’re too busy celebrating! Celebrating all your wins, that is!
What do I mean by celebrating all your wins? Isn’t that like getting a participation trophy or most improved award? Sounds cheesy and a bit unreasonable.
I get it. It almost sounds uncomfortable to celebrate all of our wins when we’re not used to celebrating any of them. Our society is so focused on external achievements, we think it’s achieving the achievement that’s the celebration. Hey, if you keep talking like that, I’m going to fall asleep. Dang, our society can be boring.
Oh no, you didn’t. Yep, I said it. If we’re always on the external achievement train and we put our success on the end game, that works only for a while. I’ve said this literally like 1,000 times already and we’re just getting IME Community started. Think it’s a bit of an important concept?
Let me get this straight. So, we know that life isn’t always a party, but when we aren’t aware of the present moment, we miss out on a lot of parties and parties we can create for ourselves. One of the ways to have more of a fun life and to want to keep taking action is to CELEBRATE YOUR WINS! After a test, an achievement, a project, an activity completion, whatever it is, you get the natural reward and pleasure that gives you a stronger sense of confidence and well-being. In other words, you just feel better and you are creating self-trust that you can do the darn thing which makes it easier to start and to accomplish the darn thing the next time. That’s great, but I’m suggesting we can do even better.
Another thing that makes taking action easier and creates more self-trust is celebrating your wins and by wins, I mean action. We are always putting off celebrations or not celebrating at all. Plus, if we are only celebrating when or if we get a good grade, we are only celebrating the outcome of our action when we can’t always control the outcome. So, why don’t we learn to celebrate what we can control and what we can control is how we show up and if we take action at all.
Taking action means taking risk. When we take action we are putting ourselves out there, knowing we can’t fully control the outcome, so why not celebrate what it takes to be successful- taking action or as I like to put it, taking risk. The other cool thing is you get to choose however you want to celebrate your action taking win.
Literally learning the skill to plan ahead of time how you will celebrate your action taking win is the key. So, you decide! Do you want to have a nice lunch, hang out with friends, do some on-line shopping you’ve been wanting to do, watch something on Netflix, get outside, make some yummy food by trying a new recipe, playing some new music, read a chapter in a book you’ve been wanting to read? One teen I was recently coaching said he likes to clean his room for a reward after taking a test or turning in a paper. Um, okay. Sure.
I recently took a test I had studied a lot for. You think it’s tough to sit and study at your age, try being my age. Don’t worry. The tests only come once in a blue moon, so it does get better. I decided the day before the exam that I had studied enough and it wasn’t going to serve me to keep shoveling and skimming and cramming information into my brain. Plus, I hadn’t managed my mind enough to remain calm when I was studying and came upon information I HAD NEVER SEEN THE DAY BEFORE THE TEST! What I decided would be better and would serve me is to study a bit and then have a nice day and get my mind to a calmer space which would serve me while I was taking the test compared to a wild monkey mind that can’t concentrate. I really liked my reasons, which when you make a decision is a really good thing.
So, I’m glad I decided to focus on having a calmer head space for my test because the next morning as I was signing on and since I was taking the test at home, it was remote proctored which meant I had to do a video of my space showing the desk, a 360 view around the desk, the ceiling, under the keyboard, under the desk, up my sleeves. I was, of course, fine with the video, but I was using our super heavy Mac to take the test, which is definitely not a laptop and has a very short cord. I was sweating up a storm trying to get this thing turned 360, show the ceiling and under the keyboard and desk. Total struggle, but worked out and I got through the test just fine.
My celebration party for taking the test (I have no idea yet how I actually did) was to go to the coolest local bookshop and find a special book. Guess what? I was too tired. I decided to veg out, take a nap, and I went to the bookshop the next day instead. You don’t have to celebrate that day. You may be needing some rest and recovery time, which is great and very important. Don’t be hard on yourself for this. But, don’t forget to celebrate the next day after you’re rested up!
You get to create your fun life!
by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Feb 10, 2021 | General
I recently joined TikTok (@imecommunity) and started posting about IME Community, life coaching, the difference between life coaching and therapy, my meet in the middle philosophy and my personal weight loss journey. I’m pretty hooked and find myself getting caught up in a TikTok trance a lot. Like, A LOT! I’m not going to tell you how many times a day. Too embarrassing!
My family is super annoyed with me because I’m always chasing them around the house showing them a cute little baby or toddler, middle-aged humans who still have moves (there’s hope for me), Grannies gone viral, TikTok docs, and on and on and on. Basically, I feel like I have a new community and sometimes these new TikTok friends feel like my family, especially when the ones I actually live with are driving me nuts (not watching my TikTok friends). Stay tuned for some dance moves coming up.
One of the things I’m noticing is there are a lot of courageous TikTokers’ who are willing to put themselves out there as they launch their health transformation journeys. Especially as 2021 is just getting going. It’s a time of New Year’s resolutions after all. I show major support by liking and posting, “You go!”, “You’ve got this!” “That goal’s in the mail!”
TikTok is a great platform for sharing and gives some accountability and self-monitoring which, research shows, works. There’s power in putting yourself out there and sharing your seemingly impossible goal, celebrating your success (slay that goal) that keeps you accountable to yourself. These TikTokers’ are creating their own measures of success, they have a plan for how they’re going to do it, and just by being open about their challenges, struggles, and journey, each of them is shining a light into their darkness, busting shame and stigma and saying, “I aM mE,” and I am not my weight. It’s automatic full self-acceptance. I think it’s beautiful. Self-love is your superpower to achieve weight and life goals and make your mark in the world! Sound familiar?
So, that’s all great, but what’s the fall-out for putting yourself out there? What I have been noticing recently is all my new TikTok friends who are slaying their weight, fitness and health goals are also catching some hate in the comments and it’s usually about their health. Haters throw them crap about diabetes and heart attacks and so on and so on. Health privacy alert!!!! Your health is no one’s business ever. Your health is 100% your business. Cyberbullying and shaming for health conditions someone may or may not have is a type of bullying I am noticing more of and we need to be intentional about ignoring it and not engaging. When you are being cyberbullied for your weight and someone is making an assumption about your health, you can let them know that your personal health is private and you would never discuss it with them, especially online, and you have no right to theirs. Or, block them and move on.
It’s always okay to defend yourself, but I’m going to make some suggestions that you may find helpful as you move forward with any goal. Because, what seems to be happening a lot is the hate comment gets posted and then the TikTok goal slayer doing their amazing seemingly impossible goal defends themselves. Basically, it’s a TikTok post that talks about how the hater doesn’t know them or anything about their health and then they list all of the things they are doing in their lives. It’s defending and again, is a beautiful thing. It just may not be effective and also may not be where you want to spend your time.
When we say haters gonna hate, what does that even mean? It lines up with a life coaching principle and a great life lesson, which is to let people be who they are (believe them when they’ve shown you) and my all-time favorite thing I’ve learned from life coaching over the last four years, to let them be wrong about you. I love this. I’m totally fine with people being wrong about me. It keeps me out of convince and control and defend mode. I know myself and I have full confidence and trust in myself and I now refuse to continue to give my power away by defending or convincing anyone about me.
It’s also really a beautiful thing to love yourself enough to set the record straight. I’m going to suggest deciding how you want to show up and where you want to put your attentional focus in 2021. We don’t have control over how other people respond to our bold goal slaying. Take the great comments and leave the others. When you take massive action in your life, you will get judgment from those who are actually judging themselves. If you want or feel like you need to respond, try a benign response like a funny emoji, or you can try, “I aM mE. UBU.”
So, let’s get after our seemingly impossible goals, keep showing up on TikTok and IME Community where you’ll find a supportive community of teens showing up and slaying their goals and chasing their dreams! Remember, I always have your back!
by Karla Lester, M.D. and Audrey Lester | Feb 3, 2021 | General
Can you imagine how cringe it is for my three kids, who are 20, 17 and 14 to watch my Reframe 2020 YouTube video? I’m wearing cool 80’s shades, a fuschia dress with shoulder pads, my hair is an ode to the 80’s, sans the sky-high bangs, and I start out by singing Corey Hart’s hit “I wear my sunglasses at night”. After the first few lines I forget the words. I usually know about 2/3 of the words. I’m sure my kids are stoked I forgot the rest of the words and stopped singing.
I’m wearing cool shades because, well, I can, and why wouldn’t I? I’m also wearing them because we’re talking about reframing 2020. Reframing means “place in a new frame” or “frame or express differently”. Basically, reframing 2020 means let’s look back at this year in a different way and see what’s good and what we want to leave in the dumpster.
I can tell you, reframing 2020 is something we all need to do, but most of us, myself included, don’t want to talk about it. Plus, what’s up with everyone acting like the very second 2020 is over everything will suddenly be amazing? We’re already in 2021 and that hasn’t panned out so far, has it? We’re still in the middle of a pandemic and there are many other things causing unrest. You all are still remote or hybrid learning and no matter how well you’re hanging in there we all have to admit that this pandemic has sucked the fun out of a lot of things. But, there have been some positive things. For one thing, there’s all of the family time and family meals which I’m sure you have loved, loved, loved (just kidding). On a positive note, maybe rolling over and flipping on your laptop, hitting stop video after the teacher catches your face, then rolling back over makes life easier and is funny to look back on.
So, let’s talk about how we can reframe 2020, and I don’t mean putting a fake layer of sugary denial frosting on it to cover it up. What I mean is taking the time for self-reflection or to think about 2020 and what the year was like for you, what was great and what was awful, and in what ways you showed up and surprised yourself.
Let’s acknowledge that 2020 was a bad year in many ways. Instead of focusing on 2020, focus on reframing your view of yourself, so like applauding yourself for how you handled 2020 and adversity. Like applauding the ‘lemonade’ that was already there, and maybe 2020 helped you see it (BUT DON’T GIVE 2020 CREDIT), and how you can implement it in the future, rather than how 2020 strengthened you.
Your past self is just your thoughts about yourself. Isn’t that interesting? We know that there is always uncertainty in the world and things we don’t cause and are out of our control. So, we aren’t in control of COVID or a lot of things, but we are in control of how we decide to think about 2020 and what we want to take with us moving forward. Because, let me tell you, my whole goal for 2021 for every single thing I do is to have FUN! I’m so ready for it and the reason I know I will deliver on that FUN is because I have been so intentional, thinking a lot, self-reflecting, and deciding on purpose what I want. That doesn’t mean everything is going to be fun. That’s too cheesy. Life is 50/50, meaning we typically have 50% positive emotions and 50% negative emotions. We can create fun on purpose and with intention. One thing living in a pandemic has taught us is that we have to be intentional and create experiences on purpose.
Take a look back at the happenings of 2020 and understand what you were in control of – your work ethic, your perseverance, your adaptability – and what you were not in control of and therefore should not blame yourself for. Ditch the sentiment of your 2020 self not showing any strength, and ditch the notion that you’re incapable of this reflection.
So, your early 2021 challenge is to get some cool shades and reframe your 2020.
Ask yourself:
- In what ways did I show up in 2020 that surprised me?
- What do I want to take with me? What are the gold nuggets I’ve sifted out I don’t want to leave behind?
- What did I learn about myself that’s valuable?
- What do I want to leave behind?
- In what ways is 2021 the same as 2020?
- In what ways is 2021 different? Hint: 2021 is different when your thoughts about 2021 are different.
Now, you get to move into 2021 and own it! Next up is how to create community in 2021!
by Dr.Karla, ActivistMD | Jan 21, 2021 | General
As I write this, it’s Inauguration Day. Every Inauguration symbolizes a new day and serves as a sign of hope for America. No matter what, we can always create a feeling of hope for ourselves and our country. What is a thought that creates a feeling of hope for you?
I love the word hope. Though my favorite word is wonder.
Last night I had a moment of wonder. It didn’t start that way. I was complaining and grumbling that no one took out the trash, so I did it. Who better than me? When I went to the garage, I saw that my husband had already taken it out. I live in cold Nebraska. It was a crisp and very cold evening. It was around 10pm. I ran to the end of the driveway, opened the trash bin lid and dropped the trash bag in, and turned to run back into my warm house, when suddenly I looked up. I looked up to the night sky to see the most beautiful stars twinkling in their places, standing at attention, each one a little gift for my eyes to unwrap, set in their constellations, doing what they do. They took my breath away. I soaked them up and thanked the stars and ran back into my house with the excitement and wonder of a kid on Christmas morning. What did Santa bring? The best present ever! A whole sky of twinkling stars. The stars weren’t the gift. The gift was the reminder to look up and to be in wonder of the moments that can take your breath away.
So, don’t forget to look up, to be in wonder and to create a feeling of hope for yourself and for our country. We can do this! We can create wonder and we can always look up with hope!
