Social Media Friend Drama: IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 5

Social Media Friend Drama: IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 5

by | Jan 26, 2022 | General, Teen Health and Wellness

Coach:  How did you feel when she blocked you on IG?  

Teen: “I don’t know.”  

Coach: Can you describe it?  Where is it in your body?  What color is it?  

Teen: “I don’t know really.  I just felt upset.”

Coach: Why did you feel upset?

Teen: “Because I just did. I have no idea why she blocked me. I didn’t do anything.  I can’t think of any reason why she blocked me.”

Coach:  What do you do when you feel upset?

Teen: “I was doing so great before she blocked me and then had so many more cravings for food and ate so much and felt out of control again.” 

Defining and Accepting Emotions

In IME Community, teens are learning the skill to allow emotions instead of numbing out with food, how to show up as a friend to themselves first, and how to show up and where to put their attentional focus on social media. 

I love helping teens to stop self-judging, to have the self-confidence to achieve their health goals and create a big magic dream for their future. 

So, what is an emotion or feeling?  It’s a vibration in your body created by your thoughts.  Your thoughts create your feelings.  

I can’t believe it’s already Week 5: “I Gotta Feeling” of the Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge!

This week is for all of us, social media friend drama or life drama.  

This week, I’m coaching you to give yourself permission to allow all your human feelings and emotions. 

If you are an adult, don’t you wish you had learned these skills when you were a teen? 

Week 5 Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Plan

Are you ready? Let’s go!

Mood Ring Monday!  Do you remember mood rings?  I had several that turned my fingers green.  I was obsessed with checking in on the current color of my many mood rings to find out what my mood was at any given moment and if my many mood rings were in sync.  

Mood rings are a perfect metaphor for how our culture externalizes our emotions.  It’s just like our society to teach us to watch the changing color of a mood ring instead of giving us permission and teaching the skills to allow us to get internal, check in with ourselves throughout the day and create emotional awareness.  

What’s your mood this Monday? 

Try on a metaphor Tuesday! As someone who has had to learn the skill of allowing my emotions, and as a pediatrician for 25 years, and a Mom of 20, 17, and 14 year-old humans, and mostly from what I’ve learned through the amazingness of coaching teens, I know it’s super tough for all of us to describe how we are feeling.  

One tool I use when I coach teens who are stuck is to create a metaphor for their feelings and emotions. 

What’s a metaphor that works for you to describe how you are feeling?  Calm like in a swimming pool, sad like a weighted blanket is on you, excited like it’s your birthday? 

I’m sure with school starting no one feels excited. Well, I always did.  Nerd alert.

Welcome all emotions Wednesday! In our society and culture, we are not taught the skills or even given permission to feel our human emotions.  That leads us to think there’s something wrong when we perceive a negative emotion, so we end up reacting, resisting, or avoiding, instead of allowing all emotions to pass through us, so we can be present in the moments of our lives.  

Whether you are resisting, avoiding or reacting, your emotions are there under the surface or buried deep.  

When you learn to allow and even welcome all your human emotions, you find a freedom you never had.  You find freedom from buffering with food.  

Ask yourself, “What would it feel like if I welcomed all my human emotions?”

Don’t ride the Thought Train Thursday!  Thoughts create your feelings, but that doesn’t mean you have to do anything other than recognize feelings and how emotions come up in your body. Don’t overthink your feelings.  Don’t spend a lot of time chasing down the thought train of what’s creating your feelings.  Later, you will be able to do more thought awareness, but recognition of feelings is key at the beginning. 

How are you feeling Friday?  When was the last time someone asked you, “How are you feeling?” 

Did they truly listen and care about your answer? You can listen to yourself and care about your answer.  

“I care.”- This is a super cheesy line Luke Skywalker says in Star Wars.  It’s Mark Hamill’s super cheesy delivery that gets me every time.

So, I will ask you on this find Friday,

How are you feeling? 

Permission to Feel Saturday! Do you get critical and judge yourself for feeling sad, anxious, tired, disappointed?  

Recently, I’ve been feeling disappointment, but instead of allowing the feeling of disappointment, I was depleting my energy stores by resisting it.  I was making feeling disappointment mean that I was disappointed in myself and that didn’t feel believable.  

So, through coaching, I created a space, took some breaths and decided to say to myself, “I feel disappointed.” Then, I left it at that.  It felt empty and gray and hollow to me.  I just accepted I felt the human emotion of disappointment and didn’t make it mean anything else.  

Ask yourself, “How can I give myself permission to feel all of my emotions and not judge myself for having a human emotion?”

Sunday Mindfulness. I coach teens to recognize what they cause and control, which is mainly deciding how they want to show up and where they put their attentional focus, and that all feelings are part of the human journey and there’s nothing going wrong when they perceive a negative emotion.  

What would it feel like to respond to your emotions instead of reacting, avoiding or resisting? What mindfulness practices help you calm your mind so you can respond instead of reacting, avoiding or resisting?

Watch the Video Replay

Up Next: Week 6 – Slay Your Goals to Get to Your Natural Weight Set Point

Previous: Week 4 – How Much Physical Activity Is Enough?

Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Table of Contents

Week 1: Introduction

Week 2: Why Do We Overeat?

Week 3: Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

Week 4: How Much Physical Activity Is Enough?

Week 5: Social Media Friend Drama

Week 6: Get to Your Natural Weight Set Point

Week 7: Your Metabolic Health

Week 8: Positive Body Image

Week 9: Diffusing Low Carb Confusion

Week 10: Self Love Superpower

Week 11: Stress Less, Sleep More

Week 12: Final Challenge – You Are Lovable, Always

How Much Physical Activity Is Enough? IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 4

How Much Physical Activity Is Enough? IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 4

by | Jan 26, 2022 | General, Teen Health and Wellness

Health Benefits

Improves: Cardiovascular function, blood glucose regulation, dyslipidemia (high cholesterol), and HDL cholesterol.

Reduces:  Blood pressure, risk of certain cancers, mortality rate, medications, dementia risk, pain, depression

Knowing How Much Physical Activity Is Enough 

General health benefit: Moderate aerobic exercise 150 min/week

Prevention of weight gain: 150-250 minutes per week

Stay out of calories in calories out mentality.  Stay out of weight loss thinking with exercise.  We can’t exercise our way out of an unhealthy diet.  

Write Your Own Exercise Prescription

According to the 2018 PA Guidelines for Americans, 80% of US adults and adolescents are insufficiently active.  

By Sunday of this week, you will be able to write your own Exercise prescription made up of the CORE Components: FITTE

  1. Frequency
  2. Intensity
  3. Time
  4. Type
  5. Enjoyment

Physical Activity and Energy Expenditure

What is Energy Expenditure?  The amount of energy a person needs to carry out a physical function is known as energy expenditure.  

Energy expenditure is made up of resting metabolic rate (energy expended at rest), physical activity, and dietary thermogenesis (our energy from food). The biggest difference in energy expenditure among individuals is physical activity.  There are different ways to measure energy expenditure.

A rule of thumb breakdown formula for components of total energy expenditure:

70% resting metabolic rate + 20% physical activity + 10% diet-induced thermogenesis = TEE 

Energy Expenditure Definitions:

EAT (Exercise Activity Thermogenesis): Planned, structured and repetitive physical activity with the goal to improve health.

NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis):  Not all physical activity is exercise.  Did you know that not all Physical Activity is Exercise:  NEAT (Non- Exercise Activity Thermogenesis): includes common daily activities such as walking, standing, and climbing stairs and can result in up to 150-500 kcal/day of energy expenditure per day. 

Get started with low or no-impact activities and make modifications as needed; Balance training; and Strength training

Work in rest days to restore.  Your body may need days off to heal and rejuvenate.  Listen to your body.  There’s no timeline or summit.  It’s just daily intentional practice and showing up for yourself.  Practice self-compassion and don’t mobilize that inner critic, self-judging shaming, negative self-talk when you need to take a break.  Set realistic goals for yourself.  Create self-trust.  Remember, you are worthy of your health goals.  You can’t hate yourself to a weight goal or a fitness goal.  

Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 5 Plan

Movement Monday: Your body was made to move!  7- day FITTE challenge.  What’s your why?  Don’t make it about calories in calories out.  Stay out of all or nothing thinking.  Stay out of waiting for motivation to come to you.  All movement counts. You are an exerciser.   

  • Physical Activity History (remember your past self is only your thoughts about your past self):
    • Success and/or failure (it’s all learning) of previous physical activity/exercise efforts
    • If no longer doing routine physical activity/exercise regimen:
    • When? Date of change
    • What? Cause of change
    • Why? Identify barriers to re-engagement
  • Current physical activity?
  • Current fitness level, endurance capacity, and mobility?
  • Access to locations for increased physical activity/exercise (e.g. gym, workplace, exercise facilities, bike paths and walkways or trails, urban or rural home setting)?
  • Actual and perceived barriers to increased physical activity? 

Tracking Tuesday:  Know yourself.  Accountability partner needed?  Don’t count calories burned unless you are already doing this or if you have managed your mind.  Are you working towards a goal like walking a marathon a week?  Getting your steps in on the daily? Create self-trust by documenting the evidence that you are moving! 

Tracking Progress: 

  • Daily activity logs (written or electronic)
  • Pedometer/accelerometer logs
  • Dynamic training metrics (miles run, laps swum, etc.)
  • Resistance training metrics (i.e., muscle-circumference measurements, reps, sets, etc.)
  • Percent body fat measurements 

Wednesday Wisdom:  Let’s nerd out.  What’s your target heart rate?  Check your resting heart rate which is the number of times your heart beats per minute when you’re at rest.  A good time to check is in the morning.  

Your maximum HR is about 220 minus your age.  

AHA (American Heart Association) has a table that shows Target HR zone during moderate intensity activities is around 50-70% of your maximum HR.  So, for a 20 year-old your Target Heart Rate is 100-170.  If you are just starting out, aim for the lower range of your target heart zone (50 percent) and gradually build up.  

Thursday Thoughts:  Time for a Thursday belief upgrade? There’s nothing going wrong if you are uncomfortable when you are exercising.  You can take a break when you need to. Practice self-compassion.  Don’t make it mean anything about you or start believing what your brain will be offering up, thoughts like, “See, you are not meant for this!” I put this in quotes because this is an actual quote from my inner critic.   

A belief is a powerful thought on a loop in your brain that you most likely haven’t challenged.  Remember, thoughts are optional and you are not your thoughts.  Same with beliefs.  My beliefs about myself and fitness? Now, do a belief upgrade.  Here’s an example of a belief upgrade I worked on with my fitness coach.  

1.) I’m not an athlete.  Upgrade: My body was created to move.  I am an active person.  

Friday Fitness Fun:  Try something new and challenge yourself. You won’t know unless you try.  You may love it.  You get to choose what is fun for you.  Find a friend and try new things.  You can keep it simple like a new walking route, going to a new park, trying Zumba or boxing.  

Saturday Success:  Increase your NEAT! Let’s focus on activities around your house and yard and running errands.  Make sure you are moving throughout the day.  What’s NEAT? It’s Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis. Not all physical activity is exercise.  NEAT is energy expenditure not typically considered physical exercise (standing, walking, stair climbing, fidgeting, cleaning, singing, and other activities or daily living).  Increase your NEAT: Take stairs instead of elevators; park further from a destination, monitor number of steps per day with a pedometer. 

Sunday Strategy:  Write your own FITTE Exercise Prescription:

IME Community Exercise Rx:

 

Aerobic Activity 

 

Type: Walk Jog Swim Bike Elliptical 

 

Frequency (days/week):   1 2 3 4 5 6 7

 

Intensity: Light Moderate Vigorous

 

Time (minutes/day): 10 20 30 45 60

 

Make It Fun:  Music Buddy   Dance Class_______

 

Strength Training:

  • Do muscle strengthening exercises of moderate intensity at least two days per week
  • Not all activities require going to a gym.  You can use resistance bands or do body-weight exercises (e.g., push-ups, lunges, planks, squats, jumping jacks as you are able).

NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Time):

  • Park farther away from entrances.
  • Take the stairs instead of the elevator/escalator.
  • Stand instead of sit.
  • Set a steps/day goal:___________
  • Other:  ______________________________________________

 

Signature of Commitment: Dr. Karla/______________________________

 

Get ready to feel your emotions for week 5 of the reverse your insulin resistance challenge!

Watch the Video Replay

Up Next: Week 5 – Social Media Weight Stigma and Friend Drama

Previous: Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Table of Contents

Week 1: Introduction

Week 2: Why Do We Overeat?

Week 3: Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

Week 4: How Much Physical Activity Is Enough?

Week 5: Social Media Friend Drama

Week 6: Get to Your Natural Weight Set Point

Week 7: Your Metabolic Health

Week 8: Positive Body Image

Week 9: Diffusing Low Carb Confusion

Week 10: Self Love Superpower

Week 11: Stress Less, Sleep More

Week 12: Final Challenge – You Are Lovable, Always

Coping with Food Cravings and Urges: IME Community Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 3

Coping with Food Cravings and Urges: IME Community Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 3

by | Jan 26, 2022 | General, Teen Health and Wellness

We all know, way too well, what urges and cravings are.  We all have them, especially when we try to strike a balance with our eating.  Coping with food cravings is something very achievable. Any change can make us have increased urges and cravings.  It’s like I remember wanting to chew my left arm off or bite someone’s head off as I was making changes with my eating.  That’s because I had been giving so much power for so long to the urges.  The good news is, even though I still have urges and cravings, I have learned how to allow urges instead of buffering all my emotions with food. 

When we have an urge or craving, there’s nothing going wrong.  Just take things super slow and create self-awareness.  Be curious.  Let me help you get unstuck from the urges and cravings.  I know, especially with pandemic weight gain and then being home during the summer, that there’s a lot of mindless eating and snacking.  Again, nothing going wrong.  Let’s talk about how you can create a healthier way forward and get some freedom from urges, cravings, stress eating and buffering with emotional eating. 

How to Get Started Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

We’re going to focus on how to allow urges and I’ll tell you right now, you are not broken.  We are all in the same boat when it comes to urges and cravings. It’s truly a process of learning and creating self-awareness and when you know that urges and cravings don’t go away, but you have the skills to allow them and be in the moment of feeling the emotions that are coming up, that lead us to buffering with food, then that’s all you need.  

It’s not like a switch.  It’s like a dissipation or a process.  Remember, progress not perfection.  Perfect doesn’t exist.  Perfection is a lie.  It’s a waste of our time and our lives to pursue it. 

Our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings drive our actions or behaviors.  Urges are feelings created by our thoughts.  I look at urges as habit thoughts that create what we perceive as negative or painful feelings.  

Urges and cravings are also habituated or conditioned pathways in our brain.  It’s brain science.  We have a ton of added sugar to our foods and we get an immediate dopamine zing when we eat a sugary food.  It’s a short-term false pleasure.  

The Science Behind Food Cravings

Ready for more science?  Most likely, you have a thought that is permissive or judging or shaming yourself when an urge comes up.  Again, I am the Queen, probably the King of both types of thoughts.  No shame.  Just learning.  

So, a permissive thought is one that’s like, “I deserve this.  I’ve worked hard all day.  It’s been a really stressful day. I’ve earned eating this.”  

A shaming thought is one that’s like, “Might as well eat this because I never stick with anything. It doesn’t matter. Screw it!” 

Believe me, I have lived and continue to live this.  I’ve been talking about learning to feel our emotions, in a way that we respond by recognizing, creating a pause and then a shift, instead of reacting, avoiding or resisting our natural human emotions.  We haven’t been taught this skill in our families or our society.  In fact, we’ve been taught the opposite, to suppress, not talk about, and to buffer our emotions with food, social media, online shopping, overworking, perfectionism.  All the things.

When a natural human emotion comes up that we sense is negative, we believe something is wrong and we need to fix it.  What better way to get out of what we believe is a negative emotion and pain than getting a quick dopamine zing from sugary food?  

There Is No Shame in Having Food Cravings and Urges

No shame here.  It’s just learning.  I’m the Queen of buffering and emotional reactivity.  That’s been the amazing power of showing up every day to learn the life coaching skills that help me to be more intentional about allowing all of my human emotions which helps me to allow urges and not go to food for a quick sugary fix.  

Remember, self-love superpower, so lots of self-compassion.  Our brains are conditioned by the food we have in our society and a lack of vulnerability in feeling our emotions.  I’m not saying we have to be all Kumbaya and sit around singing and holding hands. This isn’t wacky.  I promise.  

Take Back Your Power

So, what is buffering? This is the definition from the Life Coach School which is where I trained.  Buffering is when we use external things to change how we feel emotionally. We buffer when we don’t want to experience any type of emotion.  Our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid discomfort and keep us in the status quo and we are constantly bombarded with ways to feel pleasure.  

The more power we give to these pathways in our brain, the more powerful the pathways become.  What we focus on, we create more of.  

Children and teens have been seen as commodities for food companies, so it makes sense that we are stuck in this pleasure seeking, emotion avoidant, buffering with foods that don’t serve us, society.  

We become entitled to feeling happy and pleasure all the time.  But, the truth of life is that we aren’t happy or feeling pleasure all the time.  In fact, these are short term false rewards or pleasures and life can be way better without false pleasures and by creating true pleasures and showing up as our true self for our true lives.  

The Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge: Week 3

Ready for Week 3 of the Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge?  Let’s go!

Monday Motivation:  What are the ways you buffer?  Food, social media, shopping, sleeping, procrastination?  All of the above? 

What are the negative consequences of buffering in your life? Poor health, weight gain, not achieving your goals, not getting the grade you want, feeling a lot of negativity? 

How will you manage your urges to give in to buffering? Start recognizing when you have an urge and think about stimulus control and contingency management that I talked about last week.  You can create an environment and a plan to help decrease your urges and cravings that lead you to buffering.  

Tuesday Tracking:  What times of day do you have urges and cravings and tend to buffer with food?  Write it down.  What are some of the trigger foods for you that once you start eating them you get in kind of a fog?  It’s okay.  You can learn to eat those in moderation. 

Get foods on your plan that serve you if you are hungry and have an urge, craving or desire to buffer.

Wednesday Wisdom:  After you allow about 100 urges, the urges will start to dissipate. Allowing an urge means feeling your emotions that are coming up instead of looking to an external source like food to fix your feelings.  Since buffering with food is what you do to avoid pain, when you stop buffering, you will feel pain.  The emotion is still there even when you buffer with food.  You can handle it.  You can learn the skill to allow your human emotions.  

I really like the book, “LiveWired” by David Eagleman a neuroscientist, researcher and writer at Stanford.  It’s so interesting.  His research shows that our brains are malleable and adaptable if we challenge our brains.  What we focus on we create more of.  Keep giving all your power away to urges, you will keep buffering and stay stuck!  Start challenging your brain and start allowing your emotions and you will be well on your way to break the cycle! You can unstuck (is this a word) your brain! So cool and nerdy!

Thursday Thoughts: What emotions are you attempting to avoid when you buffer?

What are your thoughts that cause your emotions you are trying to avoid when you buffer? Take some time and get curious. You are creating self-awareness.  You are not your thoughts and thoughts are optional.  

Friday Fun: Can you shift to other thoughts that serve you?  How can you enjoy food, keep it simple, and have an exciting life?  What are you doing for fun this weekend?  Focus on what’s fun instead of what is a short-term pleasure like a sugary dopamine zing.

Saturday Success:  Get an urge jar that creates evidence for yourself that you are figuring this out.  Only count the positives.  Put a bead or marble or $1 in every time you allow an urge instead of buffering.  Now, how will you celebrate your wins?  Of course, I’m going to suggest not using food as your main way to celebrate. 

Sunday Strategy:    What are the ways that you showed up as your Future Self this week?  What did you learn about yourself? Spend some time asking yourself these important questions: What are your true pleasures in life?  What’s meaningful?  If you’re a teen, maybe you don’t know yet, so you get to figure this out.  So fun!

Watch the Video Replay

Up Next: Week 4 – How Much Physical Activity Is Enough?

Previous: Week 2 – Why Do We Overeat?

Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Table of Contents

Week 1: Introduction

Week 2: Why Do We Overeat?

Week 3: Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

Week 4: How Much Physical Activity Is Enough?

Week 5: Social Media Friend Drama

Week 6: Get to Your Natural Weight Set Point

Week 7: Your Metabolic Health

Week 8: Positive Body Image

Week 9: Diffusing Low Carb Confusion

Week 10: Self Love Superpower

Week 11: Stress Less, Sleep More

Week 12: Final Challenge – You Are Lovable, Always

Why Do We Overeat? IME Community Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 2

Why Do We Overeat? IME Community Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 2

by | Jan 26, 2022 | General, Teen Health and Wellness

Welcome to Week 2 of the Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge (RYIR challenge).

The focus for Week 2 is to stop overeating and the power of choice. It’s all about individual autonomy. Sounds redundant!

Everyone asks me and I get a lot of emails and requests for coaching for adults. I get to help everyone with reversing insulin resistance and reaching health goals on TikTok and IG, but coaching teens is my favorite. It’s why I started IME Community and it’s my dream and vision. So, if you’re a teen 12 to 18 or a parent of a teen, check out IME Community and Join the Community to get life and weight coaching for teens, on Zoom with me! It’s only $24.95 per month.

I also coach parents to help support your teen’s health independence.

Here’s Where You Are Now

If you’ve done week 1 of the Reverse Your Insulin Challenge, awesome, and if you are getting started now, then, great. You can catch up easily. I would encourage you to get do Week 1 of the challenge because it sets the stage for a lot of the important goal slaying!

Ready for week 2?

I’ve got your back this week. We are going to learn why we overeat, how to stop overeating, and level up with food with the power of choice.

We all come in different shapes and sizes. Let’s celebrate that. What a boring world we would be living in if we bought into our society’s messed up external standards. For many of us, we want to create a healthier and more fun life for ourselves.

Why We Overeat

We have to take a look at the root causes of overeating. One of the simplest ways I’ve heard we are overweight is because we overeat.

That sounds so simple and we’re talking reversing insulin resistance which is more complex. To say we are overweight because we overeat is kind of like the old calories in calories out mentality that I keep encouraging us to stay away from.

There is so much cool science behind hunger and appetite and the hormones and neurotransmitters that keep our bodies at our current weight set point. That doesn’t mean we’re stuck. Genetics, including what we’re learning about epigenetics, our environment, and behavior all contribute to our health.

But, the reality is we do overeat and overeating is one of the contributors to weight gain. Everyone overeats sometimes. There’s no shame in it. I’ve really had so much desire to overeat in my life. I still have it at times.

There are many factors that contribute to why we are overweight. We are not cause-and-effect machines. I’m going to talk about how to get to the root cause of our overeating and ask that you create some self-discovery and self-awareness, which is the most powerful thing ever we could do.

So why do we overeat? We overeat because we have over-desire. I did a few TikTok videos on this and specifically on what I think are the top three reasons we over-desire food. I want you to spend some time on this because I had many more than three reasons, but I picked out what I believe are all of our top three reasons.

Why do we over-desire food?

We are conditioned to over-desire and overeat food because of the added sugars in our foods and beverages and all of the marketing. This is brain science. Please have grace and compassion for yourself.
We haven’t been taught the skill or given permission to allow or feel our emotions. Instead, we are taught there is something wrong and we fix or numb out with food.

We are stuck in fixed and limited diet culture and thinking which drives a restriction and indulgence cycle and creates over-desire for foods our society tells us are “bad”.

One of the ways to get out of our over-desire for food that causes us to overeat is to recognize that you always have the power of choice. You get to own your power to make choices that serve you and your health goals. Individual autonomy means you are deciding for yourself and that means you are owning your choice.

In week 2, I’m going to help you level up with food choices and you always get to decide! Let’s go!

The Week 2 Reverse Your Insulin Challenge Daily Planner

Monday Motivation: I would love for you to enjoy food and eat food that serves your body and your health goals. This all starts with self-love, which I believe is the only superpower you need. Self-love starts with full or unconditional self-acceptance.

I would love for you to check out the IME 5 steps to full self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is always available to you. It doesn’t even take action. Just take your warm self-acceptance blanket and wrap it around yourself whenever you need it. Say to yourself, I fully love and accept myself. I accept that I am worthy of my healthy life. I accept I have the power to choose what I want!

  • What are the reasons I overeat?
  • What relationship do I want with food?
  • On a scale of 0 to 10, how important is it for me to make changes in how I am eating?
  • On a scale of 0 to 10, how confident am I that I can make changes in how I am eating?
  • What’s in my way?

Tuesday Tracking: Today is when you level up (gamer talk) with the power of choice! Woot! Woot!

All levels are taking massive action. Where are you on your stage of change and what makes sense to you?

  • Level up with mindful eating- hunger scale pre and post meals
  • Plan one day ahead of time, gather data, simple eating guidelines
  • Level up to crush your sugary beverage habit and drink more water- replace with the positive and create SMART goals
  • Level up to healthful balanced meals where you keep it simple-transition to eating complex carbohydrates (like vegetables and whole grains) instead of simple sugary carbs that keep us in craving mode and increase insulin resistance. Make sure you are eating protein and healthy fat whenever you eat.
  • Want to level up to trend low-carb? At this level, you are ready to remove flour and sugar and create a low-carb lifestyle. Keep it really simple and take out flour and sugar from what you usually eat for meals. Don’t overconsume recipes. Instead, just think of low-carb substitutions.

Wednesday Wisdom: What to expect? Your brain is going to tell you to eat sugary foods. That’s what happens when we are conditioned or habituated to eating sugary foods. There’s nothing wrong. It’s okay. It’s transitional.

You may feel more emotional or irritable because your body and brain are used to numbing out and getting dopamine zings. This is an opportunity to create self-awareness. Go at your own pace. No timeline or urgency. It’s all learning.

Research shows practicing stimulus control and contingency management is helpful to keep you on track. That may mean removing sugary drinks at home, driving a different route home instead of by the fast food restaurant you go through after work, or recognizing the time of day when urges and cravings come up for you, and creating a pause and practicing self-compassion instead of resisting the urge and white-knuckling through it. Create plans A through G for your eating. You are making decisions ahead of time that will keep you on track.

Thursday Thoughts: Keep up with your daily thought downloads where you do a brain dump. Start noticing your three top feelings of the day. It’s our thoughts that create our feelings. What are your thoughts that are creating the top three feelings of the day? You may be judging yourself. Start creating awareness of self-judging and shaming. We have to bring this into the light to disrupt it.

Friday Fun: Do you have an active gratitude practice? Every day, write down three things you are grateful for in the morning and three amazing things that happened today before you go to bed. Cultivating an active gratitude practice creates a joyfully abundant life. We have to be intentional with the practice.

Saturday Success: You are worthy of your health goals. Some people I coach want to create a cheat day on the weekends. They spend a lot of the week creating more over-desire for the sugary foods they eat on the weekend and then end up binging. I would encourage you not to do this. When you make a decision and like your reasons and love your choice and it fits into your why and your future self, you can love your decision, have self-integrity, and create evidence that you can trust yourself to keep promises you make for yourself.

Sunday Strategy: Rest, relaxation, self-care, connect with nature. To set yourself up for success for week 3, I want you to calendarize (yes, this is a verb) self-care. My husband asked me if I wanted to get a massage and I said, “No, I’m really not into those.” Self-care for me is getting outside, writing, getting some time alone, eating yummy food, taking a shower. What does self-care mean to you? Get it on the calendar for week three.

Watch the Video Replay

Up Next: Week 3 – Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

Previous: Week 1 – Introduction

Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Table of Contents

Week 1: Introduction

Week 2: Why Do We Overeat?

Week 3: Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

Week 4: How Much Physical Activity Is Enough?

Week 5: Social Media Friend Drama

Week 6: Get to Your Natural Weight Set Point

Week 7: Your Metabolic Health

Week 8: Positive Body Image

Week 9: Diffusing Low Carb Confusion

Week 10: Self Love Superpower

Week 11: Stress Less, Sleep More

Week 12: Final Challenge – You Are Lovable, Always

Social Media Friend Drama: IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 5

The IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge: Week 1 – Introduction

by | Jan 26, 2022 | General, Parenting and Teens, Teen Health and Wellness

Welcome to the IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge (RYIR)! It’s the Kick Yourself in the RYIR Challenge! Yes, my children who are 20, 17, and 14 are making fun of the name. That’s their job to make fun of their Mom.

I’m so excited! I’m having a blast with this. I’m sharing with you all of the details starting with this podcast and YouTube video, which I will be doing weekly, so make sure you like and subscribe to the IME Community YouTube channel and podcast on Apple or Spotify. Make sure you follow @imecommunity on TikTok and/or ime_community on IG. Starting Monday, I will be posting a daily video and do TikTok Lives daily. Teens, 12 to 18, and parents of teens, you can have me as your life coach, so go ahead and Level Up and join the IME Member Community. I created accessibility for The membership, which is only $24.95/month. I coach parents of teens to support their teen’s health independence, in the member community, so awesome deal for the whole family.

About the Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge

First, I am not your doctor or life coach. Go to your doctor. Go to your therapist, dietitian, all the things.

You will learn a lot. This is a fun challenge. I will not be giving you medical advice. I encourage you to go to your doctor, to address diagnoses related to weight first, and to go to your therapist, have your own coach, all the things. This will be a fun adjunct.
What about fitness? Keep doing what you are doing. I believe in all movement counts fitness. Sometimes, at least I know I was, stuck in thinking about exercise the same way I thought about food. So, movement counts. You are an exerciser no matter how much you are moving.

It’s on TikTok, and I will share on my other platforms, is 12 weeks, starting this Monday, so get excited. It’s 12 weeks because that’s what it takes to create a habit stick.
Here’s what I focus on: self-love superpower or the tools of self-compassion; the science behind how to reverse your insulin resistance; and the coaching tools you need to get the goal.

Why Managing Insulin Resistance Is Important

Why? You can listen to my weight loss journey podcast or watch the YouTube if you want. I think it’s episode 7. I also call that shamebuster because if a doctor like me who has done this work for a long time, can say how we’ve got it wrong, anyone can. When I went through my weight and life coaching journey, starting in September, 2017, I was shocked by how much we’ve gotten wrong when it comes to how we address weight loss treatment. I lost 57# in 11 months, but that wasn’t the real achievement. The real achievement for me, was first, that starting with my why, I felt a freedom from thinking about food and my weight. I felt like I was enjoying the moments of my life with a new presence and meaning. Transparency is also very important to me, so not wanting to hide in shame about my weight or going through the fast-food drive thru was important. I wanted to learn to eat foods that fuel my body and never be ashamed of what I was eating. I had also been working to address the childhood obesity epidemic for a long time. Here’s the deal. There’s no summit. There’s no arrival. It’s progress not perfection. It’s all learning. The only summit is the daily intentional practice. One of the other things I learned is what works and where we’ve gone wrong and so I started to bring coaching and The Obesity Code into my clinical practice. Health systems aren’t ready for that. They want the status quo. So, I left and invested in becoming a life and weight coach, took my Obesity Medicine Boards, and created IME Community.

Why Is There an Obesity Epidemic?

Where have we gone wrong? First, look for the singular cause of the obesity epidemic, and it’s our food system with the added refined sugars and ultra-processed foods, food companies have an addiction business model like big tobacco, and combined with the stress of life and then add in fixed and limited diet culture, and we can all easily see why and how we’ve gotten nowhere with addressing the obesity epidemic or helping individuals, which is where I believe the power is. My vision is to create community with compassionate connection, and all of you IME Community Followers are a part of the Community looking to create a healthier path for all of us, but especially for our children and teens. Let’s not let another entire generation of children be stuck in what doesn’t work, and now with pandemic weight gain, our timeliness couldn’t be better.

We are not addressing the core issue, which is insulin resistance.

What is Insulin Resistance?

Insulin resistance is the daptation of our body to constantly high levels of insulin. There are two components, family history and genetics, and the CHO-rich food system we are conditioned to eat. Obesity is hormonal and not caloric. Not all calories are created equal. Calories in, Calories out. Our body weight is at a set point. Insulin Resistance is the Lex Luther in our Superman movie.

How Do I Know if I Have Insulin Resistance?

If you want to read The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung or listen to the audio version which is what I did, I believe you will really find it helpful.
As I launched IME Community, I got on TikTok, and had 5 followers and posted a few videos. Then, video 19, I dueted a post and called out weight stigma and bias in healthcare and it went viral. Then, nothing much after that. So, I started quick weight loss tip videos and my only goal has been to get to 1k TikTok followers so I could do Lives and coach.

How Does the Reduce Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Work?

Week 1, let’s get this party started! The theme of this week is to take action.

Action is how we learn and discover ourselves, grow and evolve, but only if we are creating awareness and putting in the thought work along the way. Action will not be served up to us or delivered in a nice little package. It doesn’t matter what action you decide to take. Just take action and commit to loving your decision. If self-doubt, fear of failure, imposter syndrome, beliefs about your past self are coming up, there’s nothing going wrong. That’s just what our brains do when we decide to take action.

What to expect? Weekly podcasts, Daily videos and TikTok Live coaching sessions. Each week has a theme and builds on itself. Get a spiral notebook or binder to keep track
How to prepare: Make sure you are Following IME Community on TikTok and other platforms. Go to the website: imecommunity.com and get on the email list, podcast and YouTube. I’ll do some IG Live coaching sessions as the audience on IG builds.

Calendarize your time to cultivate a goal you set for yourself. Show up to create results. Watch the video, show up for the TikTok Live, ask your coaching questions, post your wins, and share challenges. Get an accountability partner or partners to help keep each other accountable and on track. You will learn a lot more when you do that. There’s science behind this.

The first week, we are focused on taking action and then starting to plan one day ahead of time, but won’t be focusing on food changes, more like getting an assessment of where you are. Don’t send me your food. I don’t care what you eat. This is you figuring this out. You own this. You can ask me questions, but I don’t give grocery lists.
Be a curious observer of your mind! You are creating self-awareness.

Monday Motivation: What do you want? What’s your desired outcome? What’s your why? What’s your commitment? What do you have to lose if you don’t take action? What will you gain if you take action? What’s in your way?

Tuesday Tracking: Let’s learn to make decisions ahead of time. Making decisions from your higher brain, executive functioning or pre-frontal cortex means you won’t be making impulsive in the moment decisions about food. Plan one day ahead what you will eat and just write down what you are eating on a typical day. We are only learning to plan one day ahead and show up for a plan we created for ourselves. If you want to write your food down at the end of the day, that’s fine too. It’s data.

Wednesday Wisdom: Are you owning your health power? Have you seen your doctor, had your labs, and know your risk factors for insulin resistance? You’re not stuck, even if you have a strong family history or have had insulin resistance for a long time. You can optimize your health. It’s good to have a baseline and embed goals in reality.

Thursday Thoughts: Start daily thought downloads or brain dumps for a few minutes. What are your beliefs about your past self? What about your health now? Your weight now? What are your beliefs about your past weight loss? What are you making it mean about you and achieving your health goals now?

Friday Fun: Here’s my favorite work. Visualize your Future Self who has arrived at your goal! How do you feel as your Future Self? That feeling is what drives the actions to create your results. Our thoughts create our feelings, so, what is a thought that creates that feeling? Think of three Future Self guidewords that motivate you. Mine are Funny, Unapologetic, Firestarter. What are yours? Put them on a post-it note and stick them everywhere and look at them every day.

Saturday Success: How do you measure success? You get to decide. How do you celebrate in ways that don’t involve food? We are learning to lead an exciting life and be in the moment and eat food that fuels our exciting life. (Geneen Roth eating guidelines)

Sunday Strategy: Spend some time reflecting on the past week. What was hard? What was easy? What are you proud of? Remember, to practice self-compassion. Now, put week 2 on your calendar!

Watch the Video Replay

What’s Next in the Reverse Your Insulin Challenge?

Next Up – Week 2: Why do we overeat?

Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Table of Contents

Week 1: Introduction

Week 2: Why Do We Overeat?

Week 3: Coping with Food Cravings and Urges

Week 4: How Much Physical Activity Is Enough?

Week 5: Social Media Friend Drama

Week 6: Get to Your Natural Weight Set Point

Week 7: Your Metabolic Health

Week 8: Positive Body Image

Week 9: Diffusing Low Carb Confusion

Week 10: Self Love Superpower

Week 11: Stress Less, Sleep More

Week 12: Final Challenge – You Are Lovable, Always

How Much Physical Activity Is Enough? IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 4

Self Love Superpower Mantras – January 2022

by | Jan 1, 2022 | General, Self Care

Do you have one of those tear-off sheet daily calendars full of motivational quotes?  

I just love them, though I sometimes forget to tear off the sheet for the day, or the week, so I go back and look at them a week or month at a time. It’s like Christmas morning!

My dearest friend and fellow creative and I exchange calendars every year and share the quotes that stick with us.  

She may text me:

“Check this one out.  I was in a funk of self-doubt and fear of failure, but now I know that just means I’m pushing myself!”   

See how that works?  

One quote, I call them mantras, and her brain is transformed and she’s back into action and out of the stuck thought pathway her brain was attached to. 

Teens really connect with mantras and are seeking the self-love superpower approach that only IME Community offers.

What Is a Mantra?

So, what’s a mantra?

man·tra (straight out of google)

/ˈmantrə/

noun

  1. (originally in Hinduism and Buddhism) a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation.
    “a mantra is given to a trainee meditator when his teacher initiates him”
  2. a statement or slogan repeated frequently.
                           “the environmental mantra that energy has for too long been too cheap”

A Year of Self Love Superpower Mantras, Starting Now

Welcome to a year of self-love superpower mantras posted daily to IME Community social media, TikTok (of course) and IG and FB! Like and share the IME Community social media platforms, please! 

I write and post these on the daily based on what I’m seeing on IME Community social media platforms and from coaching teens and parents.  

Self Love Superpower Daily Mantra Tear-Off Sheets Coming by the End of 2022

By the end of 2022, IME Community will have its own daily tear off sheet calendar full of self-love superpower mantras! 

Here are the January IME Community Mantras:

A month of Self- love superpower mantras to manifest your Health Dreams & Goals  in 2022!

  • 1/1 My past self doesn’t dictate my future self.
  • 1/2 I am worthy of my dreams.
  • 1/3 When I show up as my true authentic self, my life is magic.
  • 1/4 My body is not a problem I need to fix or solve.
  • 1/5 Society does not control my body’s narrative, I do.
  • 1/6 My over desire for food is a conditioned brain pathway.
  • 1/7 Today, I start healing from years of self-loathing.
  • 1/8 My definition of health isn’t a number on a scale.
  • 1/9 My exciting life is nourished with delicious quality food.
  • 1/10 I am excited to permanently cancel diet culture from my life.
  • 1/11 Any step is a good step.
  • 1/12 My cure for self-doubt and fear of failure is to keep taking action!
  • 1/13 I can be body positive in a body negative world.
  • 1/14 I am worthy of achieving my health goals.
  • 1/15 Every day on this beautiful earth is a gift.
  • 1/16 I love and accept myself now and when I cross the finish line.
  • 1/17 I’m willing to let go of victim patterns and own my goals.
  • 1/18 When I fail, I don’t make it mean I’m a failure.
  • 1/19 My success in life has nothing to do with a number on a scale.
  • 1/20 I create a safe space for my emotions.
  • 1/21 I was not created to live my life stuck in diet culture.
  • 1/22 To break free from binging, I have to trust myself.
  • 1/23 What I eat today and how much I eat today do not define me.
  • 1/24 I can create food boundaries without restriction or deprivation.
  • 1/25 I am worth my self-work.
  • 1/26 There’s nothing going wrong when I feel a negative emotion.
  • 1/27 I ignore haters, especially the troll in my head.
  • 1/28 I’m letting go of my pursuit of thinness and diet culture’s thin privilege.
  • 1/29 I believe it’s possible to create healthy pathways in my brain.
  • 1/30 I believe it is possible to create a balance with food. 
  • 1/31 When I feel self-doubt and fear of failure, I know I’m pushing myself.

Which ones stuck with you? Get them on a post-it note and put them where you can see them every day.  Write your own self-love superpower mantras! 

You are worthy of self-love. 

Join IME Community to Level Up Your Self Love Superpower

To Level Up on your self-love superpower toolkit, Join IME Community for my coaching on zoom! Off to write more mantras!

Self-love superpower, 

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

Why Do We Overeat? IME Community Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 2

DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO EAT!

by | Jul 7, 2021 | General

I have this edge to me. You do too.  No doubt.  It’s what it takes to achieve goals. 

“Don’t say good job, say bad job.”  My daughter, Katherine, used to say that to us when she was a toddler whenever we would praise her. She didn’t like syrupy praise.  She’s 20 and a junior in college and she still can’t stand syrupy praise. She finds it patronizing and condescending.  She also doesn’t like to be told what to do.  Who does?

Who’s telling you what to eat? 

Food companies, soda companies, society, culture, medical establishment, the government, some doctors who refuse to challenge what isn’t working, some dietitians, have all been telling you what to eat. I’m not saying there isn’t some helpful advice or education out there, but there’s a difference between education and telling someone what to do.

Telling someone what to do in any area of their life brings up NEA (Negative Emotion Attraction) and will not move anyone toward their desired outcome or sustainable change transformation. 

I’m reading or listening on Audible (it’s never a shameless plug to promote audio books) a book called, “Helping People Change” by expert coaches and professors at Case Western Reserve.

I heard one of the authors speak on the Institute of Coaching Webinar which is a group I am a member of that takes a scientific approach to coaching.  There are many research articles that show the positive benefits of coaching.  I love the positive psychology movement and taking a strengths-based approach to behavior change. 

So, one of the key teachings in the book I was listening to, and if you’ve ever listened to a book on Audible, it is really dependent on the narrator’s voice whether you stay awake or not.  And, if you’re like me and you space off after a while, like I have always done in church around minute 8 or so, no offense to all the ministers out there, you miss out on whole chunks of the audio book and have to rewind.  Or not. 

Anyway, I’m really interested in the response to different kinds of coaching.  If a coach coaches with compliance, meaning giving a directive or basically telling someone what to do, it is much less likely to be effective, meaning it is less likely to help you reach your desired outcome and you will struggle with sustaining that outcome. 

It’s kind of dumb luck for those of us coaches who are just decently nice people and care about other human beings.  That’s just kind of a nice thing in life.  We can always be more intentional and on purpose compassionate with our coaching. Which is not babying you.  It’s believing in your unlimited potential and loving you no matter what.  It’s not trying to fix you.  It’s knowing in our hearts that there could never be anything to fix because you are never broken.  It’s not coaching you and pushing what I think is best.  It’s helping you discover what you believe is best and works for you.  So, that’s coaching with compassion.

Coaching with compassion taps into your ideal self, is self-directed, and visionary.  You make decisions based on your higher brain.  It’s like my vision to create community through compassionate connection.  I see it and I own that vision.  Remember, IME Community, it’s like building a city and the essential functions are laid out and we are just populating it. 

It’s creating your own beautiful personal vision word-cloud.  It’s your dream-speak.  No one takes it away.  You get to take your vision alongside of you.  You and your vision get to choose your own adventure!  I want your personal health to be a part of your vision because you are worthy and deserve your healthy life and I believe in your unlimited potential to create any result you want.   Instead of NEA, restrict and indulgence mindset, coaching with compassion brings up PEA (Positive Emotion Activation) and gets you where you want to go. 

There’s a reason why I’m teaching you all about self-love superpower in the beginning because you will learn to self-coach.  In fact, I can coach you with compassion until the end of time, but if you are in your head giving power away to the negative self-talk, coaching yourself with compliance, telling yourself what you should be doing, buying into society’s and our culture’s beliefs about what to eat, singular solutions, fixated on the how and the what and not your why, you will be self-sabotaging. 

So, what do you have to lose by trying a new more compassionate and positive approach?  You will lose a lot of negative emotions and pain and probably some weight and will gain positive emotions, your desired outcomes, and your vision for yourself and your health.  Sounds pretty good to me!

Do not tell me what to eat!

You’ve got this!

Self-love Superpower,

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

Social Media Friend Drama: IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 5

IME Community Radio Blast – How to feel better

by | Jun 4, 2021 | General

(Playlist- “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves)

Do you want to feel more positive? I’m not talking about the toxic positivity sugary layer of fakeness slapped on tough situations.  Don’t you just feel like telling toxic positive people to shut their mouths?

Positivity has to be believable.

You create positivity with your thoughts and with intention.

You can’t always change up the circumstances or people or situations in our lives, but you can change your thoughts to create more positivity in your life.

First, if you feel stuck in a funk, start taking some action that will support creating positivity in your life.  I challenge you to go outside for at least a few minutes every day. 

You will connect to the world outside of yourself.  Make an observation.  Positivity is all about connection.

Every day, start creating positivity by writing down three things you are grateful for and before you go to bed, write down three amazing things that happened today.  Literally, can be the smallest things ever. 

Start connecting on purpose and with daily intention and over time, you will create more positive thoughts, which generate more positive feelings, which create more positive actions and results in your life! 

Check out my daily mini podcast episodes IME Community Radio Blasts to get your day started with self-love!  Let’s connect and co-create IME Community!

self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla

 

Coping with Food Cravings and Urges: IME Community Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 3

IME Community Radio Blast (Playlist- “Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own” by U2)

by | Jun 4, 2021 | General

Are you worried about COVID weight gain?

Are you being hard on yourself or mobilizing that negative self-talk inner critic?

I could say, just stop it, but we all know it’s not that easy.

We’ve all been through a lot with COVID and are learning how to merge into life again.

Have grace and compassion for yourself.

First, recognize when you are triggered and being hard on yourself and how it comes up in your body. It’s okay.
Breathe in and out through your nose to calm. Put your hand over your heart or give yourself a little nurturing hug. Disrupt the negative self-talk by standing up, going outside for a few minutes, or try talking with self-compassion to yourself like you would a friend who is being hard on themselves.

All change starts with loving ourselves, but first you have to recognize when you are giving that inner critic all your power. You’ve got this! Check out my daily mini podcast episodes IME Community Radio Blasts to get your day started with self-love! On my playlist for the day is a song from my favorite band, U2, “Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own”, which means we’re all in this together. Let’s co-create IME Community!

self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla

How Much Physical Activity Is Enough? IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge Week 4

UBU Self-esteem and Self-worth (synonym alert)

by | Apr 20, 2021 | General

Here’s a great quote:

“If you’re searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror.”

I recently did a coaching call focusing on self-worth and self-esteem after watching a TikTok body positive influencer talk about her “big girl embarrassing moments” going out with her friends.  Give it a listen and watch the YouTube video. I started the coaching call with MJB’s “Just Fine”, one of my all-time favorite songs.  I jam out on these coaching calls.  I’m just getting IME Community going and so decided to take the opportunity to record the call and put it in the member community as teens sign up and we co-create IME Community together. 

I was wondering what said TikToker was making it mean when she goes out with her friends and has all of these experiences.  Seems like she is making it mean she doesn’t fit in and she is constantly creating evidence for herself for that.  Now, her message resonates and she is totally slaying it on TikTok (unlike me) but how does it serve her and at what cost to her and her self-esteem when she gives power away to the external?

Also, are we creating more peripheralization for ourselves when we continue to look for evidence and believe thoughts that don’t serve us? 

Parents are the worst!  Parents are obsessed with self-esteem.  We want our teens, our kids to have high self-esteem because that’s the ticket to success in all areas of life.  Am I right? At least, that’s what we believe. We rarely challenge beliefs and ask if they are really true.  COVID has punctured a huge hole in so many bubbles.  What was important doesn’t even matter any more in many cases.  One glaring example, is how on TikTok, 18 year-old students in high school are posting their college acceptance results. Us parents and schools and society and social media have created this pressure and high stakes over a random and rigged (celebrity parents buying their kids’ acceptance) process.  It’s silly, but I fell for it.  I went through this with my oldest daughter, who’s now 20, and I really feel so embarrassed about it.  She’s cool and it was a hard process for her, but she made her own decisions and I couldn’t be prouder of her.  Don’t have scarcity for self-esteem.  Self-esteem doesn’t come from whether you get into your dream school or not.  That being said, if you got into your dream school, celebrate your amazing success!

Having high self-esteem is great.  It’s just that, in our culture, how we believe one gets self-esteem is kind of messed up.  Just like almost all things, we put all the pressure on the external and focus on achievements and success and how we rank and how we are perceived in the world.  It’s like, if we get to accomplish these achievements, or our teen does, because we are talking about teens, correct, we will then have high self esteem?  Sorry, I sometimes default to myself, especially when talking about self-esteem.  So, we chase the achievement, thinking and believing the accomplishment will make us have more self-esteem, and we (yes, I’m saying we, but I could say I with this when I look at how I have parented my teens) push and push our kids to achieve, and then we compare our teens to others, even our little kids on the soccer field, basketball court, in the musical, on the honor roll (remember the annoying bumper stickers that said, “Parent of an honor roll student”). How did we go from “Baby on Board” to “Parent of an honor roll student”?  It’s just an endless cycle we are white knuckling through.  How do we let it go and how do we know if we have high self-esteem and what builds self-esteem?

I recommend starting by taking the Rosenberg self-esteem scale (RSES).  It’s only 10 easy questions and is online.  It’s all self-discovery and learning.  Don’t be afraid to take the survey and don’t make the results mean anything about you.  Self-esteem is not fixed, so don’t have a scarcity mindset.  Self-esteem is fluid and dynamic and abundant beyond the measures of an online scale. So, start there with the RSES.

I’m an intense researcher.  JK.  This is straight out of Wikipedia for you:

The Rosenberg self-esteem scale (RSES), developed by the sociologist Morris Rosenberg,[1] is a self-esteem measure widely used in social-science research. It uses a scale of 0–30 where a score less than 15 may indicate a problematic low self esteem.[2]

Self-esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, “I am unloved”, “I am worthy”) as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.[1] Smith and Mackie (2007) defined it by saying “The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.”[2]

Self-esteem is an attractive psychological construct because it predicts certain outcomes, such as academic achievement,[3][4] happiness,[5] satisfaction in marriage and relationships,[6] and criminal behavior.[6] Self-esteem can apply to a specific attribute (for example, “I believe I am a good writer and I feel happy about that”) or globally (for example, “I believe I am a bad person, and I feel bad about myself in general”). Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations (state self-esteem) also exist. Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include many things: self-worth,[7] self-regard,[8] self-respect,[9][10] and self-integrity.

Experiences in a person’s life are a major source of how self-esteem develops.[5] In the early years of a child’s life, parents have a significant influence on self-esteem and can be considered the main source of positive and negative experiences a child will have.[32] Unconditional love from parents helps a child develop a stable sense of being cared for and respected. These feelings translate into later effects on self-esteem as the child grows older.[33] Students in elementary school who have high self-esteem tend to have authoritative parents who are caring, supportive adults who set clear standards for their child and allow them to voice their opinion in decision making.

Childhood experiences that contribute to healthy self-esteem include being listened to, being spoken to respectfully, receiving appropriate attention and affection and having accomplishments recognized and mistakes or failures acknowledged and accepted. Experiences that contribute to low self-esteem include being harshly criticized, being physically, sexually or emotionally abused, being ignored, ridiculed or teased or being expected to be “perfect” all the time.[37]

During school-aged years, academic achievement is a significant contributor to self-esteem development.[5] Consistently achieving success or consistently failing will have a strong effect on students’ individual self-esteem.[38] However, students can also experience low self- esteem while in school. For example, they may not have academic achievements, or they live in a troubled environment outside of school. Issues like the ones previously stated, can cause adolescents to doubt themselves. Social experiences are another important contributor to self-esteem. As children go through school, they begin to understand and recognize differences between themselves and their classmates. Using social comparisons, children assess whether they did better or worse than classmates in different activities. These comparisons play an important role in shaping the child’s self-esteem and influence the positive or negative feelings they have about themselves.[39][40] As children go through adolescence, peer influence becomes much more important. Adolescents make appraisals of themselves based on their relationships with close friends.[41] Successful relationships among friends are very important to the development of high self-esteem for children. Social acceptance brings about confidence and produces high self-esteem, whereas rejection from peers and loneliness brings about self-doubts and produces low self-esteem.[42] “

Enough nerding out! Back to the blog!

One of my important messages is that self-esteem is both internal and external.  I coach and have done a lot of my podcasts and YouTube videos on self-love, self-compassion, self-judging, self-trust, self-kindness, most of which are internally focused.  But, self-esteem is both and it is up to us as individuals to create a balance for ourselves.  Relying on the external and others’ opinions of us, or what we believe is others’ opinion of us, which we don’t control, doesn’t help us with our self-esteem.  When we believe that someone else shouldn’t be doing something or saying something, we are arguing with reality.  You can argue with me until the end of time on this and I know how hard this is to get, but, whatever anyone says or does is what they should be saying or doing because they are saying and doing it.  It’s just reality.  When we think that they shouldn’t be saying or doing something, then we are “shoulding” what we don’t have power over and then inevitably will “should” ourselves into getting in their business to convince them they are wrong.  We are wasting our time. 

I’ve said this many times, but you are not put here to fix and solve problems in the world.  You can definitely show up and tend to your causes and have major impact and change the world over time.

You are here to live your amazing beautiful big magical life!  By the way, check out my beautiful book, “the magical everywhere”, especially if you have a younger or school-aged child in your life.  You will learn about Magical Gigi, one of my patients who died when she was eight years old from brain cancer.  Magical Gigi lived her big magic life.  She had a beautiful balance of internal and external self-esteem, just naturally.  We can all learn from her positive message to look for “the magical everywhere”.  Plus, a portion of all proceeds are contributed to child health non-profits.  Go to IME Books on the website to order yours!

What gets in the way of self-esteem?  Shame is an obstacle to self-esteem. Shame lives in the dark and is a feeling that comes up when we have a thought that we don’t fit in or we don’t belong.  We continue to believe thoughts are true that we are broken and need fixing.  Thoughts are just clouds going by, rainbows that come and go, a sentence in your mind.  We don’t have to believe them to be true. 

Dr. Brene’ Brown is the top researcher in shame.  I hope you will read her books and listen to her podcast, “Unlocking Us” and “Daring Greatly”.  They are on Spotify.  So is the IME Community podcast.  Hint. Hint. Please like and subscribe. 

Shame is a feeling or emotion.  A feeling or emotion is just a vibration in our body.  As humans on a human journey, we will experience all of the feelings and emotions.  Everyone experiences shame.  It feels like a nauseating twinge for me in my stomach.  It’s a really uncomfortable feeling for me, but I now know how to recognize it and allow it and process shame instead of reacting, avoiding, or resisting.  I respond to shame when it comes up and I don’t make it mean that, just because I experience and am feeling shame, that I’m shameful. I don’t make it mean anything about me.  Then it just comes and goes and there’s nothing going wrong.  If that’s the worst that can happen is a vibration in the body and some discomfort, but I know I always have my own back, and I fully trust myself not to make it mean anything about me, then it’s okay.  I feel shame, but I am not shameful. 

One of the most important skills I life coach teens on is to feel their emotions instead of reacting, avoiding and resisting.  What does shame feel like for you?  Can you describe it? 

Get started on your building self-esteem journey by taking the online survey and see where you are, then look more closely at the 10 questions on the RSES and do a little inquiry.  Ask yourself, do I have self-esteem balance?  How can I create internal and external balance when it comes to self-esteem?  What are some of the fixed and limited beliefs or thoughts that I have that are not building self-worth or self-esteem?  Do I want to use the term self-esteem or self-worth or self-regard or self-integrity?  Since shame is a self-esteem blocker, be curious and compassionate as you learn how shame feels in your body and allow shame and respond with kindness for yourself, instead of reacting, resisting or avoiding! 

Join IME member Community where I will coach you.  It takes intentionality and on purpose daily work to build self-esteem and you are self-worth it! Remember, I always have your back as you are figuring this out!

Self-love superpower,

Dr.Karla